Cutting off..

Eventhough I'll be 22 soon, the way some of my friends behave, I feel I never left high school! They gossip, they bitch, they get hurt when you don't choose sides, they hold grudges and refuse to let go of them and basically make your life hell.

I don't think my parents aprove of my feeling so strongly about this, but I hate it when one friend of mine bitches about another. What I hate more is when one of them goes all "Oh, we should so meet up sometime and catch up - all of us" and doesn't turn up for any party you arrange, even if the party is so scheduled just so it matches their schedule! I hate it when they cite parental permission as a reason for not coming but manage to get around their parents when it comes to meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends.

And you know what else I hate? If they call one of my close friends names and claim he/she(person X) just "uses people" even though I know very well that it is no so and X was the only person there for me through a certain mini crisis when all of them weren't even acknowledging my existance.

I hate it that they can be so insensitive about my friends and how I'd like to hear such things about them.

Yesterday, Mutt was cribbing about how a friend of hers "cut her off". (You know, doesn't pick up/return calls, emails. Always busy, the works.) And I was all "why would anyone want to do that?". Now I am seriouly considering it. Not that it'll take much effort mind you, considering I'm the one who calls most of the time anyway!

And why am I not doing so? Because they're most of what I have left from a certain period in my life and to let go would mean.. I dunno.. Failure?

P.S: I am writing this in a lot of rage, sorry about that. And if you're wondering about what happens if one of them reads it (because it's pretty obvious who the people are), then my answer is, I'd like it if they did. I wouldn't have any explaining to do.

Note of thanks.

Don't you love it when someone calls you up in the middle of the night and tells you you're a great friend, and thanks you for being one?!

Much as you know you completely don't deserve it, it's in the top ten "best feelings".

On friends and labels

One fine morning, between two classes, I had 45 mins to kill and so i sat and labelled all my posts. It tells you a lot, this labelling business. It tells you what you spend your time on mostly. Apparently, I spend the least anount of time on lists and romance. Which is a weird thing to say if you know me, but whatever. More romantic lists coming up! :-P Oh, I don't post much on the IPL either, but the 2nd seeason will open soon and then we shalt have more!

But that is not what this post will be about. This one will once again be dedicated to my friends. So here goes.

Note: If you are my friend, you're bound to be mentioned. If you can't spot yourself, shame on you! But ping/message/mail/call/scrap/wall/comment and I shall point you out.

Everyone, esp the dad, loves pointing out that I have too many friends. Too many "best friends", they say. 'You undermine the meaning of 'best'!', they reproach. What can I do? I love them all equally. I have no way of deciding!

And the strange part is, how little they all have in common. If you take a set of all my best/close friends, there wll be at least one person each one of them will not be able to get along with/will not approve of. I guess the only thing they have in common is that they are all judgemental! But then again, who isn't?

I have such a huge variety of friends. From the quiet types like Colla, Jen, RaG and RA to the tomboys like jude-the-dude. From the holy God-fearing people like Mopsi, Princess, Assie, Jan to agnostics like RG, MM to atheists like Tequila and Mutt. From geeks like Jij, MV, DC(!!!) to the I-haven't-touched-a-textbook-to-save-my-life like The girl, Row and Chai. From dancers like Jan, Shiny, Aru to singers like SC and well, most of the others! From the I-am-too-lazy-to-leave-my-room such as Mutt, Colla and De to enthu-for-anything like Samie, Muds, Kitty, Tequila and RG. From supremely helpful bordering on doormatedness like MM, Pumpkin, Assie, San to bossiness personified a la Mutt, Mopsi and CL. From the burka sporting CL and De to the mini-skirt sporting (that sentence sounds weird) Rad and Tequila. From friends who have made me feel like, well, a princess (no, I haven't forgotten) at a moment's notice like Pipe, The girl, MM, Chai to people who have made me cry(yes, they are still my close friends - ask me not why!) like CC, Cheapskate. From the tech-savy Arjie and Chai to the girl who asks me to configure her nokia settings - Sony. From the deathmetal addicts like Arjie and the The girl to Carnatic music fans like Assie, SC to hip-hop fans like Kitty(my love) to sad-80's hindustani music fans like Mutt, SC, Colla.

And this, my dears, is just the non-incriminating tip of the iceberg! There is loads hidden below the surface.

But none of it matters. Because I love them all (almost) the same. And I see no reason why people should have difficulty believing that!

The real bite of nostalgia

I was going though the folders on the pc at home and I found "The Making of Woodstock". Pipe put his foot down and said we weren't gonna print that. Too degrading or some such thing. But I wonder why. I mean who wouldn't wanna be part of that mad maaaad world? It was fun while it lasted. But it was more than that. It's one of those few things I really do (did?) miss about MCC. Pipe goading us on; Roshan's wisecracks during our 3 hr meetings (which consisted of 5 mins of deciding what the next issue was gona contain and 2 hrs and 55 mins of the aforementioned wise-cracks); Sande's "I'll take care of it"s; Danny pretending to know it all- Danny suprising us by actually knowing it all! Vasudha's writing.. Plus that was where I met three of my closest friends..

For those of you who wonder about the nostalgia, I present to you, for the first time, "The Making of Woodstock". May Pipe burn in hell! It's my blog and I write what I want!

The Making of Woodstock

We aren’t saying it isn’t fun. We aren’t saying it is hard work. We aren’t saying that we don’t enjoy it. All we are saying is.. Well, read on and you’ll understand what we went through before we brought out this issue.

It all started on Jan 3rd when we came back after spending 12 days sleeping and eating - and sleeping some more. Realisation dawned upon us that the January issue of Woodstock was due. Someone mildly suggested that we get started immediately, but it was immediately quashed down by cries from the geekier of us claiming that we’ll do it after the CAs – no problemo.

Well, the CAs came and went (and left us none the happier for it). It was Saturday the 12th and we decided we’ll get started. An online meet was scheduled for nine p.m. At nine, I logged in to find no one there.. Frantic messaging gave me to understand that out of the remaining 5, one was in Hyderabad, one was out for dinner, one was practicing.. something, one was fast asleep, and the last one was, shall I say.. at a different level of thinking. With a sigh, we resheduled it for the same time, next night.

Now anybody who knows the woodstock team would not be surprised that the online meet scheduled for 9 started infact at 10.30 and went on till past midnight (which got some of us nearly thrown out of our houses, but we will not dwell on minor issues). The topics discussed included serial killings, shilpa shetty, how to apply Gauss’ law using spherical co-ordinates, pongal celebrations, birthday parties, the book fair, the hottest guy/girl in college, etc.. Finally, we decided we’ll send in the articles by Tuesday – do the DTP by Thursday and get the issue scrutinized and out by the next week.

Tuesday night saw one article in the inbox. By Wednesday there were two. By Saturday, the number increased to 4. On Sunday the following message was sent to all
“Dear team member, This sms is regarding the your article for the next issue of woodstock. On checking the mail account, I am saddened to note that it has made it’s appearance yet. Please look into the issue. Thank you. Your’s sincerely, A teammate.”
Reply 1: Don’t worry sweetheart, it’ll be done.
Reply 2: Tonight. Tonight. I’ll send it in positively by midnight.
Reply 3: What’s the hurry?
Reply 4: If I do it.. Will you get me OD?
Sunday night in the inbox – You’ve got (0) new mails.
(to be continued..)

The reader will please note that close to 600 rupees worth of talk time, 500 messages, three online conferences – each lasting for approximately 2 hours, 15 online chats – lasting an hour, 5 fights, numerous train rides and sessions in front of Nescafe and endless cups of lemon tea (courtesy the college cafeteria) went into the making of this issue.

Hold that thought!

A friend of mine (who begged to remain anonymous) said to me "when I was in school I decided to take up science - because by doing science you actually contribute to the total amount of human knowledge. With humanities, you don't - maybe to the beauty of the world or whatever, but not to knowledge, and with management, you contribute absolutely nothing!"

So, all you geeks out there surviving on phdcomics, now you know..

:-)

Words! Words! Words!

Don't you love them? They way they sound when you say them out aloud? The taste they leave behind? The way they mean something different in every context? The power they give you?

Don't you love learning a new word? I remember the first time I chanced upon a new word. I must've been 8. Maybe 9. I was looking up something in our tattered Chambers' and I saw 'quintessence' on top. The word caught my eye and I looked it up. It was beautiful. Chambers also gives you the origin of the word - it's roots. I won't spoil it for you. Look it up yourself. In a dictionary - don't google it. Googling, for some reason takes away the beauty of words. You can never do the "on the way to the dictionary" thing.

My dad, when he is super bored, and had no new books to read, opens the dictionary and looks up words - their meaning, the story behind them.. It might sound geeky, but I can totally relate to that. I'd like to do that too!!

But, you know, at the end of the day, it's not the words you use that counts. It's how you use them that really matters. Sadly, few people get that.

Take Chicken Little for example. I believe (and I'm sure once you read her blog, you'll agree) that her language is extremely powerful! She doesn't write about anything powerful or deep, mind you. She writes about college, relationships, friends, studies - stuff everyone goes through. She doesn't use big words either. She uses simple, everyday, what you-and-i-will-use words. And yet, her posts are powerful. She has a way with them words.

Or take Roshan George. He has, by far, the biggest vocabulary among anyone I know. His vocabulary is even better than my dad's (yes appa, it is and you know it!), but you hardly find him flaunting his words. He learns these words and waits to use them. He threw this word at me the other day and I went all blank and he said "I've been waiting to use it ever since I was a kid. Try it somtime." I promptly forgot the word.

Me, I'm not so good with the vocabulary. I forget things. I don't remember words easily. They slip through my mind. I envy Roshan George very much. But I envy Chicken Little more. Because while Roshan knows the words, Chicken knows how to use them. And that's what really counts.

P.S: Roshan writes pretty well too. Much better than me at any rate. Loads better.

@ Roshan and Chicken: Sorry guys, the post isn't aimed at either of you. I just used you as examples.

I'm a... WHAT?

Scene one(Temashek hall, NUS - my room): Aquila's gtalking and I'm sipping the Raspberry Vodka I split with her. The vodka's getting to me, I guess. I turn to her and go, "doesn't all this feel nice and grown-up. Sitting in a different country, chatting with your best friend and drinking pink-colour alcohol? Like your childhood dream?" She turns back and smiles.
Half and hour later:
Aquila: Do you still feel on top of the world?
Me: No!

Scene 2 (Fruit shop, Anna Nagar): I'm meeting two of my school friends - Banu and Archana - after four years. We haven't met or spoken since school, but we used to be pretty close then. I called them on an impulse and we decided to meet.
Archana: So, what you planning to do next?
Me: PhD, hopefully.
Banu: But won't that take a long time?
Me: 5 years, if I'm luck (yes, I think of Mike Slakenerny and smile!)
Archana: So, when you planning to get married??
Me: M-M-mmarried?
Banu: Yeah..
Me: After that I guess.. Why? When you guys planning to get married?
Archana: In another year or two I guess.. They're looking out.
Me: Looking out??? But that's so... grown up!

Scene 3 (I'm having a messaging conversation with a 'friend*'). Friend sends me a message "... so, we suspected my girlfriend was pregnant and I had to got her a test.."
Me: ??????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I'm obviously not gonna tell you who I'm talking about, so don't even bother asking!


Scene 4 (Bakkiya's house): We're sipping juice and listening to her describe labour pains and how great it is (yeah, you heard me right the first time)! Sug is listening. Soumya and I look at each other. Um, but this is what adults - older women talk about! Not.. not us!!!

Scene 5 (On the phone): A friend is telling me about his taxes and arrears. I go "Ha, ha, you have arrears". I hear a frown which conveys 'grow up already'. I try to cover up with "It sounds so.. you know.. grown up. It's what parents do!!". It does!

Scene 6 (Suganya's wedding): Some dude goes "I welcome Mr.Allen and Mrs. Suganya Princess". Mrs???????

Scene 7 (In the car): Archana goes "do you know we are over age for all sports training camps in the city? Everyone tells us 'we'll let you know if we start a senior batch!'" We are??

Scene 8 (last night, outside my gate): We're returning from Soumya's sister's wedding. Divvya (for those of you who don't know, Divvya is my oldest friend. We've been 'best-friends' since 2nd standard) was dropping me home. It was around 11.30 in the night. I was the last one to be dropped, as usual (It's because I live the closest to her place. Plus I'm good with directions). I had to keep going 'turn left, go right, go straight' since Deena's house.
Finally we entered my colony. I said "you're supposed to know this place.. you grew up here!!"
She goes "yeah, I know"
But to irritate her I continued "take a right here".
"I know"
"Left"
"I know"
"Go straight."
I get a glare.
(At my road) "Turn right"
"Hello? I know!!!!"
"First house on the left."
"Oh, apadingala (Is that so)?? I didn't know.."

We both laughed as I got out of the car and she waited till I got into the house before leaving - like her dad and granddad used to do the many times they dropped me over the past 15 years. I thought of 15 years ago when I actually didn't know her house and went searching for it with my maid on Diwali day. She came back home with me that day and it's been 15 years since then. But it seems like just yesterday. Not that I mind the drop-you-off-post-11-and-make-sure-you're-in-before-i-take-off thing. It kinda feels nice.
(Who am I kidding?)
It feels real good and all.. well, grown up.

Maybe, just maybe, being grown up isn't so bad after all! :-)

With friends like this...

Have you ever come across a pair of friends you envy - envy, cause you never had a friend like that? A pair who make you wanna lean against the door and smile? A pair you're not a part of, and though you'd love to be, you do not want to even peep into their world in case you destroy the balance? The kind of friends you read about in books, and are talked about in movies - and all this while you thought that that kind did not exist and when you realise they do, you suddenly feel lonely - lonely like never before.. and happy - happy, cause, to re-quote Aquila's blog title "it's a wonderful world indeed which contains something so beautiful!

( To answer your questions, yes I am thinking of certain two people, and no, I'm not gonna tell you who it is!)

And once again - goodbye!

The following is an excerpt from a mail I meant to send a year ago(31/5/07 to be exact), but never did! I found it in the drafts today, while looking for something else, and I just thought I'll put it in. It describes a feeling I was to experience many times over in the following year:


You know that feeling you get when you see a friend off? You see her getting into the bus and take up a seat. She looks out at you from the window and smiles and waves. You smile back and keep waving till the bus turns around the corner. Then you turn around and start walking. The road suddenly looks both beautiful and empty. You have a smile on your face but you feel lonely.. Why am i typing this? Because i just saw Madhu off on her JNC shuttle and I wanted to get the feeling while it still was there. Sure there's another shuttle I can catch in another two hours but life - my work would've caught up with me by then. I would no longer want to get into the bus.. I'll meet her, maybe, this weekend, but the moment would be long gone. But, years later when I look back and ponder upon what our friendship was all about, it is this moment that i will think of. It is that feeling - a sudden loss of safety, a sense of loneliness - that I will remember.

And now, a year later, I've done that over and over again. Endless times. Now-a-days, it's with a "I dunno when I'll see you next, so I'll see you when I'll see you" - to close/best friends from school going abroad, to cousins leaving to different places, to classmates from college who work in different parts of the world, to friends I met during the summer during my internship... the list is endless!

There is no escape of course - the goodbyes must be said, the hugs must be given and you must watch them as they turn and disappear out of sight - perhaps forever!

A racey post!

Recently, Aquila accused "tams" of taking a lot of pride in their race. "Second in the line", she claims,"right after the bongs"! A statement which caught me completely off-guard! Do we really?? The fact is, this is the first such accusation I've faced in the past 21 years..

It all started off with me correcting the way she pronounced "Madras". It's Med(as in short for Medical)-raas. That's the way we pronounce it. Truth be told, I dunno if that's the right way of doing it, but that's the way the localites fondly refer to it as and that's what stays. She insists on "Ma(as in mother)-da-raas". I correct her and she says that's how they write it in Marati and then goes on to accuse me of acting like a bong! * Huh? *

Lemme clear a few things right now. It's not my race/language/culture I'm proud of. They're as good as any other (except maybe America). No better. No worse. But when it comes to my city, it's a whole new story.

Most people assume yhat the 45 degree temperature which forces everyone to flee and the obvious conservative and traditional lifestyle which the people there are so scared to come out of doesnt leave much to be proud of. And now, a cricket team which insists on losing all it's matches doesnt add much!

There is much more to the city than that, but i don't wanna get started on why I love my city again. I promise I'll dedicate a whole post to that when i come back. For now, lemme just state that I love that place and can bear no criticism of chennai or it's people. I mean, will you be quiet if you family is being criticised? :-)

Coming back to the accusation. Yes, if you accuse me of standing up for my city, I shall bow and admit that it is true. So shall every other fellow Chennaite I know. But we do not claim that tamil food is the best. Dosa's are alright, but we can survive on naan just as well. And yes, we crib and crib about not having the perfect filter kaapi, but it doesn't take us too long to realise that Bru is a good substitute - it has a slight chocolatey taste to it too!

But that wasn't her accusation. Her accusation was about how we're proud of being Tamil. Are we, really? It's easy to see why one would think so. Our absolute refusal to accept Hindi as our National language, for starters. For the record, I'm completely with my state government on this. I think it's ridiculous for the Central govt. to force a language upon me. I agree we need a unifying language et al, but why Hindi? It's bullshit to argue that the majority speaks it, cause majority of what? Majority of the people I know don't speak the language! And i live in a Metro!! Why not English? Please don't reply with "English is a foreign language", because Hindi is just as foreign to me as English is. Plus if I learn English, I'll actually be able to communicate with people all around the world. In fact, knowing Tamil, will probably help people much more in Singapore and Sri lanka - where Tamil is a national language. The only reason I see for me to learn Hindi is so that I can watch Shah Rukh Khan movies! But hey, I'd like to learn Chinese so I can watch Bruce Lee too!!

The august before last, we had gone to Nainital on a college trip. We had to buy a few curios and stuff and had to bargain with the peddlers there. We had to speak to them in broken Hindi and every single one of them made it a point to scold us for our lack of knowledge of Hindi. One of them even said "Hindi is an international language - everyone should know"(!!!). We meekly heard them out, took our shopping bags and came home. After all, their territory, their language. We were the outsiders. What can we say? Back home, on the other hand, my North Indian friends crib all the time about how the auto-karans here speak only Tamil. No meekness there. No acknowledgement of how it's okay for a person to speak their mother tongue in their part of the world!!

How can we be full of pride after all this? After not being able to speak our language in our own cities? After being imposed upon from all sides to learn a language we don't want to?

The central govt. has imposed a new rule that everyone working in a Central govt. academic institution must pass a basic test in Hindi. To read and write it. Not enought to know your physics/chemistry/math/mechanis. Nope, one's gotta know her/his hindi! No matter where the institute is. IISc and IIT-M come under this even though they're both in South Indian cities rebelling against imposition of Hindi. I, for one, will not pass such a test. I know exactly two letters in Hindi, and though once upon a time I wanted to learn the language, recent events like those stated above has put me off. It might be a fun thing to do - learn a new language, but I will not. Just because it is forced upon. "To take a stand", if I must use forceful statements. It probably sounds childish, but that's the way a whole state feels about it and the Central govt. doesn't seem to care.

I'm not saying my language is the best. I'm not claiming that Barathi was the best poet ever. I'm not saying that no one compares to Kris Srikant in cricket. I'm not saying that idlies are food of the Gods. I don't care how much you mutilate my name. I don't give a damn whether we're a pure Indian race or not. It really doesn't matter to me if Tamil is the oldest language. And I definitely don't wish to prove to you that we're the best.

All I'm saying is that, we're a nice bunch. Fun people doing their own thing. Let us be..

P.S: In retrospect, I realise I started talking about one thing and ended up somewhere else, but it all connects up in it's own way..

Just another day..

She enters the room, eyes glinting with anger and.. and something else - could you call it hatred?

Her friend asks her to "relax".

"How can I?", she yells back, even as she knew she soon would. She knew that the next day, not only would she relax, but she would even be comfortable with the thought; a thought which made her quiver with rage; a thought which made her want to choke him with her bare hands. She knew that within a mere 24 hours, she would've gotten used to it.. Grudgingly, she would've accepted it as a part of the unfairness of life.

"Which him?", her friend asks her.

Which him, indeed!

Suddenly she realises (strange, how the thought hadn't occurred to her before) that all her current trouble could be attributed to guys!
The one who denied her her constitutional right to freedom of speech; the one who rejected her proposal because he didn't want to lose power; the one who threatened to destroy her world because she reported the truth like it was; the one who reduced her friend to tears everyday - they were all men!

"Is this what they call sexual discrimination?", she wonders aloud.

Oh, there were guys being affected by it as well.. but somehow she couldn't help feeling that she felt the impact more! maybe because she couldn't help believing the best of everyone - she couldn't help trusting..

"Don't worry about it", her friend tells her, "another year or so, and you needn't have anything to do with them ever again!"

She nods her head, though deep down she doesn't agree. She doesn't like what happened to her. She doesn't like the idea of being suppressed by people just because they feel threatened. She doesn't like being told what to do, what to write, what to say.. She wants to fight it, but doesn't know how! She thinks it's unfair, but sees no solution. She feels helpless.

She knows, deep down, that these people need to be taught to be fair. Yet, she nods her head. She knows she won't do the "teaching".

"I don't have the time", she tells herself.
After all, there are assignments to be submitted, tests to be written, records to be drawn, projects to be done..

She sighs..

She knows by next week all this will be forgotten and they - the people who inflicted all this pain - will be forgiven. Forgiven without heir their knowledge for something they did not know they did! Free to continue doing what they've been doing all along - making people's lives miserable, if only for a day!

Ouch.. that hurts!

You know when you lose a friend?

It is not when they move to another country.. It is not when they die.. It is not when you've lost their number.. It is not when you haven't spoken to them in many years.. It is not when parents or circumstances forbid you from speaking to them.. It is not even when you betray them or they betray you!

It is when you call them up and talk to them for a while and into your head pops a host of things which you would've confided in them in the ages past, but you dismiss them now with a wave of hand as unsuitable conversation and talk about the weather instead!

Chennai - it's beaches and the elite.

Okay, I'm supposed to be typing out a project proposal.. (Ranj is gonna kill me when she comes back!) But that being the most boring thing in the world, I decided to blog. Honestly, writing a project proposal out of thin air is real hard work! Ask anyone - they'll tell you.

Anyway, we went to the beach last saturday.. The whole damn class. The HoD took u, believe it on not. We met at the GC and cylced all the way out, went towards Anna Univ and took a U, cycled up the flyover and down - the down part was way way fun. And it was super-ool to cycle as a big gang. Imagine 30 people cycling down the road together! You'd stare, right? Aarti fell down while coming down the flyover, hit herself against the railing and stubbed her toe. But that didn't stop her from fooling around in the water for an hour and a half like the rest of us!!!

Initially we were told that we can wet our feet. Max. But of course the guys went 50 mts into the water and we girls went about 10.. Fun stuff. We were soaked to the skin.

Missed the sunrise though, thanks to the clouds. Of course half the gang missed it because they were looking in the opposite direction waiting for Aarti and her convoy.. A bunch of guys who strived to "not let her die", as she put it! ;-)

Now being the bunch we are, we didn't stop with one accident. We also managed to lose our cycle key in the sea, causeing us to approach the HoD and requesting him to break the lock!! He said he didn't know how to himself, so hired a guy there to do it. Quantum Mechanics isn't everything, I guess!

Anyway, around 9 o clock, we packed, went to Murugan Idly store where the said HoD treated all of us. We had coffe which tasted out of the world - the idly and vada were okay, but the rest of the gang - who've never tasted proper idly before loved it!!

We cycled back - me leading the way - as if I knew everything about adayar! Adayar!!! i must've been there twice in my entire life before IIT!!! Sheesh! Of course, if I said I didn't know, there'll be cries of "local girl!".. What one has to put up with these days..

But you know what reaally gets me mad? When someone curses this city of mine! Which my friends constantly do. I mean, they have absolutely no right to speak! The don't even know the city! They're in their snug campus full of deers and monkeys and they have no idea what's there in the rest of the city!! Like this guy who said "ha, why would i go out to a restaurant? you only get idly and vada anyway!" WTF?? I have NEVER - never eaten idly in a chennai restaurant before last saturday (except palimar, but that is purely due to hunger striking when I'm finacially low, so it doesn't count!). At least some of them are willing to take an initiative to get to know the city.. The rest just sit and crib and crib and crib.

That is why I still love and terribly all those irresponsible, happy-go-luck, MCCians. all of them were like that and most of them were not localites. But fact is, every single one of them gave this city a chance and every single one of them fell in love with it. And from what i've seen, anyone who's lived here for 3 years agrees when I say "it's home"..

Friendship - What's that?

I hate it when people say stuff like "my friends are the most important things in my life"! (things?) Maybe it's the J factor, 'coz i never felt that way about any friend. I don't think I can point at any of my friends and say "He/she knows me completely". Actually i can't even say "He she knows me" about most of my best friends, but you see, they still remain my 'best friends'.

Maybe I just define friendship in a whole different way. For me, friends aren't people you go to when you feel like crying (I go into my room and lock my door if i feel like a good cry). They aren't people who i confide my deepest secrets in (in that case, i have no friends!) Friends aren't even people who make you feel better, cause different people make you feel better at different times and the same person who cheered you up last semester can make you feel down in the dumps with the help of just one conversation!!

My Dad tells me I have too many friends.. Maybe I do.. What with school, college, insti, summer projects, neighbours.. one can't help having a lot of friends! But the point is that I'm equally close with a lot of people, thus leaving my really close with noone. And I like it that a way.

I like to organise things in my head.. Friends, wether they aprove of it or not, get classified - school, summer, home, camps, college, inisti, neighbours, good, close, best, kindred, etc.. But none of these groups are mutually exclusive. People keep jumping back and forth that I wonder if it's even worth it. And at the end of the day, I'm just plain confused and end up writing incoherent articles like this!!!!

A year ago, I sent this message to 8 of my school friends:
"Prashant asked me what connects my school friends.. What the bond is.. This is what I said: My friends and I, I don't really know.. But there is something, cause even in school we always knew that someone else didn't "belong".. Maybe it's that we like doing the same thing..Hanging out in the same places, shopping for similar things.. We like talking talking about the same subjects.. Give importance to the same things.. like studies always comes first.. But only during exams.. Otherwise no studying business! Just party.. We all talk sense, think straight, do not exaggerate or lie to impress, and are responsible.. yeah, I guess it's a combination of all this. Most importantly, we give each other space and yet go back knowing that there is a friend out there! You know, a feeling which I KNOW will last forever.."
These are the replies i got:
Deena, Divvya, Madhu and Suganya: "Who's prashant?"
Anisha: "Dude, are you okay?"
Soumya: "huh? gal.. why suddenly?"
The other two didn't even bother replying!!!!
But many months later, we had all met up in barista and the topic of that message came up and I found that they had all saved that message.. Is that what it's all about??

5 things i can't live without

Of all the things they ask in your orkut profile, i think this is the most ridiculous! The obvious answer being oxygen, food, water, etc.. But I've read that so many times that i conclude anybody who has that written as "bo-ring". I'd rather they leave the field empty..
The next obvious thing they write are "mom, dad, siblings, dog(?), friends, girl/boy-friend.." Yeah, sure kiddo, your mom and dad and siblings and well, dog mean a lot to you, and sure you'll be heart-broken if anything were to happen to them, but it's not like you can't live without them, is it? I'm sure you've lived away during your hostel days/school, college trips, etc.. And as for friends, i think it's high time they realise that 40 years from now, it's highly unlikely that they'll still be in touch with their friends.. And as for the boy/girl-friend, well, actually, i won't say anything there and merely give one of my "looks".

So why am i being such a hypocrite, you ask, when i have filled in my tab with 5 things i supposedly can't live without.. Well, I've written "laughter, coffee, something to hug, books, a phone".. My dad, thanks to not-too-pleasant expirences regd. the phone bill for the last 8 years or so will say that the last at any rate is true.. But i don't think so.. If you take away my phone, i'll be miserable, sure, but i think it's highly improbable that i'll be broken-hearted and die.. Ditto coffee and books and "something to hug". But laughter? If there was no laughter, I don't think life will be worth living. I am as good as dead without it. But that's one. And honestly, i can't think of anything else "i can't live without".

They should change it to "5 things without which you'll be miserable". Makes more sense. Else i guess, the answer is the same for everyone: Oxygen, food, water, a working heart and brain.. And of course laughter.