Cutting off..

Eventhough I'll be 22 soon, the way some of my friends behave, I feel I never left high school! They gossip, they bitch, they get hurt when you don't choose sides, they hold grudges and refuse to let go of them and basically make your life hell.

I don't think my parents aprove of my feeling so strongly about this, but I hate it when one friend of mine bitches about another. What I hate more is when one of them goes all "Oh, we should so meet up sometime and catch up - all of us" and doesn't turn up for any party you arrange, even if the party is so scheduled just so it matches their schedule! I hate it when they cite parental permission as a reason for not coming but manage to get around their parents when it comes to meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends.

And you know what else I hate? If they call one of my close friends names and claim he/she(person X) just "uses people" even though I know very well that it is no so and X was the only person there for me through a certain mini crisis when all of them weren't even acknowledging my existance.

I hate it that they can be so insensitive about my friends and how I'd like to hear such things about them.

Yesterday, Mutt was cribbing about how a friend of hers "cut her off". (You know, doesn't pick up/return calls, emails. Always busy, the works.) And I was all "why would anyone want to do that?". Now I am seriouly considering it. Not that it'll take much effort mind you, considering I'm the one who calls most of the time anyway!

And why am I not doing so? Because they're most of what I have left from a certain period in my life and to let go would mean.. I dunno.. Failure?

P.S: I am writing this in a lot of rage, sorry about that. And if you're wondering about what happens if one of them reads it (because it's pretty obvious who the people are), then my answer is, I'd like it if they did. I wouldn't have any explaining to do.

Bigger picture, people! Please.

The recent incident in Mangalore left us all shocked, but I fail to understand why, really. We should've seen it coming and we deserved this in more ways than one.

We are all busy cribbing about how this is not democracy anymore and we should have the freedom to do what we want to and how it could've been any of us! That is exactly why we are concerned, you see! Those guys didn't have to pick Mangalore, they could've picked a pub in Chennai (yeah, right!) when my friends and I are hanging out there. They could've picked a pub in B'lore when my sister's hanging out there. This is something which affects us - the upper middle class - directly, which is why there is so much publicity over it!

The journalists - they frequent pubs too; Or their friends/girlfriends/wives/daughters/sisters do! And it scares them to think that they kit and kin could be subjected to such a thing! Hence they make sure it's brought to limelight and pester the CM about it and urge the people to rise in action, etc.. Basically, they're scared. And the pub owners(influential people, all of them) are scared as well. What if the women stop coming? What if ladies nights don't happen anymore. How exactly are they gonna manage the ratio?

The act itself is something which should be condemned, no doubt, but don't you see? The Ram Sena people were just the stupider of the lot. They picked the wrong people to mess with! If they had tortured some poor villagers in some remote part of the country, they wouldn't have gotten more than 5 seconds of T.V time and their acts would've gone unnoticed.

As I said, we deserved this, since we failed to notice the girls who are not allowed to go to school in J&K (they will be killed, no less), and were busy worrying about not being able to go to a pub! We compromised on the rights of those not fortunate enough to be born to parents rich enough or living in the right cities, and in a way told these guys, 'go ahead, we won't stop you yet..' and now we pay for it, albeit meagerly.

Sure the Karnataka police can lock up 10 people and claim they've 'taken action' against them, but we aren't really a free democratic country until everyone is able to practice their right!

Cowardly Cops

A friend and I were travelling by 23C recently on our was to Besant Nagar. As we got into the bus at the IIT stop, two(obviously drunk) guys sped past the bus on a bike yelling and screaming at the bus driver. The driver kept trying to lose them - by either going slower or faster but these guys kept up with the bus and kept screaming. Apparently, this has been going on from Saidapet. Finally, the driver stopped the bus at the Madya Kailash signal.

There were 3 cops at signal - it was sunday evening and they were doing what cops do best on sunday evening - torture inncoent college students regarding lack of various papers and so make huge sums of money in the process. The driver stoped right next to them and tried telling them about the two guys. One cop was on the phone and didn't realise that the driver was talking to him until he caught me waving frantically to him he trotted over to see what was going on and when he found out he came back to his original place, a completely bored expression on his face. The second cop - an old cop, listen to the driver and then walked away, and the third cop was in the corner 'potty kadai' smoking!!!!!

They were completely unconcerned. Why should they listen to what the driver has to say, was their attitude? After all, the driver has no money to hand over as a bribe.. he has no influence, he can't get them a promotion! And helping him, would probably mean, they'll catch a lesser number of students and lesser bribes!

Yuck!

Recently, a friend of mine was caught "speeding" (read: 40 km/hr) at 11 in the night. The cops caught him and because there was a girl(another friend o mine) with him, they started giving him ahard time and demanded he pay them 8000Rs. They kept at it until the girl remarked, "this is ridiculous, lets call your dad". Then they backed off, since the dad was a respectable gentleman who's sure to be influential.

And this other friend of mine, who's doing journalism, tells me that even if he's caught breaking traffic rules (going the wrong way in a one way lane, for example), the cops don't do anything further. They just let him go. Which, if you ask me, is as cowardly as they can get!

This city's policemen disgust me no end!

I wonder if there's something I can do about it - at least the Madya Kailash incident since I witnessed it first hand. If you guys can think of anything, let me know..

Fling! BANG!... Ooops!

Everyone's done a post on LHC. Why should I be out of the loop??

Today, while walking down the down, I happened to overhear two girls talking about the LHC:
Girl 1: So, if this experiment went wrong, yesterday is the last day of earth.
Girl 2: (Shocked) Oh no!
Girl 1: But thankfully, the experiment didn't went wrong, so it's okay.

Anyway, apart from telling us what exactly our government spends half our education budget on, and the state of english in IIT (I told you so!), it also gives us a slight idea of exactly how uninformed the people around us are about the LHC!

My at.mol prof told us on tuesday "So, in the event that the rumour about micro blackholes being created and sucking us all in is true, we shall not meet on monday. But I can pretty reasonably assure you that that will not happen. So, be on time."

One of those times, when you forgot your physics and wished for blackholes. Especially since we have an assignment due monday!

Ah, well, C'est la vie.

I sent this link to most of you. Got it from Ajay's status message. Apparently, most of you have already seen it. In case you haven't:

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM

It's not completely true. But funny nevertheless.

Apparently, Hawking has a bet for $100 that the Higg's boson will not be discovered. Which is not so good, actually. The search for it will still be on, and they'll just end up building a bigger accelerator and spending more money. Starving millions, anyone?

For Thine is the Kingdom

God - Possibly the most discussed topic ever. No, that would be food (three times a day per person min.). Well, alright, the second most discussed topic ever..

The fact that I'm an atheist has invited it's share of shocked expressions as I grew up. I still remember our valedictory lunch when all of us were sitting around a table in Mainland China - dressed in our saris and feeling all grown up - when Rabia suddenly remarked "Oh, but Chitra doesn't believe in God!".
"What?" - A general cry and shocked expressions all around followed by a discussion on God and Religion where everyone else agreed that 'God invented man but man invented religion'(quite profound for a 16 yr old, come to think of it).

That being the first time I had openly admitted to being an atheist, it was also the first time I had to put up with such a reaction. Also I came from a very Christiany Christian school - you know, prayers 4 times a day, teacher making fun of Durga's multiple hands during a history lesson, Darwin bashing during a bio lesson, scripture verses competitions, no bangles/bindi, plain sari for the valedictory(though, I have to admit, that looks very pretty), arguments on the big bang theory, the choir singing only religious songs - heck! the rock band played only religious songs!, etc.. you get the picture.
At the end of it all, I was sick of the whole thing. Sick of having a religion being pushed upon me and having to defend my beliefs.

I was also a very confused kid as I grew up. I don't come from a particularly religious family. There was the usual temple visits every birthday and every summer and pray to God on religious holidays thing, but I wasn't brought up on stories of Hindu mythology(things I pester my classmates at IIT for now!) - my dad used to tell me stories of the wars and the rise and fall of civilisations and dynasties - facts, not fiction, mind you.

Maybe that was what got me interested in Science - it dealt with hardcore facts. You got to verify everything. In religion on the other hand, you gotta trust blindly - something which never appealed to me. It was tempting, mind you. I mean, imagine putting all your trust and troubles and burdens and duties on someone else and believing that it'll all be taken care of! I would give a lot to be able to do that, but I know I never can.

It, somehow, doesn't seem right!

When my sister and I had our little accident, my mom prayed to some temple somewhere down south and said she'll do an 'archanai' there if we get better. We did and now she wants to go. She thinks my dad and I were sniggering at her when she told us this, but we weren't. Well, I can't speak for him, but I, for one, have never been against anyone else's blind faith. Just because I like to lead a life where I believe I and I alone am responsible for everything I do, doesn't mean I expect everyone else to do the same! Which is why it irritates me when others come and try to convince me that there does exist a God. Why do they do that? If they can accept that Hindus believe in Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, the Muslims in Allah and the Christians in Jesus Christ, why can't they let me believe in none? Why is it impertinent that I believe in someone whoever he/she be?

Though I'm being a tad unfair in making the previous statement. People accept the other religions because of religious harmony but they don't stop trying to convince the others to accept their own. I can understand that. What I can't stand is when someone pushes their beliefs upon you. Like Mrs. Rajan in school who made fun of Kali when we were studying about Durga Pooja in Social studies (I was 8 and I wasn't pleased with what was happening - if I had been older, I guess I would've protested, but then again she wouldn't have made such a statement to a bunch of 16 year olds - which just makes me lose all respect for her, but that's besides the point..). Or that lady who came home and gave my mom, who politely asked her what she did, a nice long lecture on how Christianity is the best and my mom should come for some meeting somewhere (I couldn't control my laughter and walked out of the room soon enough), or my aunt(who I love a lot and would die for her and so shouldn't put her name along with the others, but, hey, it's just an example) who tries to convince me to attend 'Art of living classes' - something, Chicken Little will assure you I don't need, since acc. to her I can be happy in a jail - whatever that means!

Another thing which always struck me as strange was the way girls are usually either firm believers or atheist. They dislike being an 'agnostic' for a long time, while that seems the popular choice with guys!! Of course, I will discount the masses who claim they are an agnostic because "they believe in God - some God, no name, but a supreme power" (to such people, I would suggest that they please go look up the dictionary meaning of the word and not be ashamed of believing in a supreme power. Trust me, there's nothing 'cool' about being an agnostic or a atheist!).

There's another category of people - my favorite - the ones who believe in God thanks to Pascal's wager argument ! Smart people, they are.. but it does seem like cheating, doesn't it? And if there is a God who knows all and controls all, won't he know exactly what these people are getting at? Ah, well..

Whatever works for them!

A racey post!

Recently, Aquila accused "tams" of taking a lot of pride in their race. "Second in the line", she claims,"right after the bongs"! A statement which caught me completely off-guard! Do we really?? The fact is, this is the first such accusation I've faced in the past 21 years..

It all started off with me correcting the way she pronounced "Madras". It's Med(as in short for Medical)-raas. That's the way we pronounce it. Truth be told, I dunno if that's the right way of doing it, but that's the way the localites fondly refer to it as and that's what stays. She insists on "Ma(as in mother)-da-raas". I correct her and she says that's how they write it in Marati and then goes on to accuse me of acting like a bong! * Huh? *

Lemme clear a few things right now. It's not my race/language/culture I'm proud of. They're as good as any other (except maybe America). No better. No worse. But when it comes to my city, it's a whole new story.

Most people assume yhat the 45 degree temperature which forces everyone to flee and the obvious conservative and traditional lifestyle which the people there are so scared to come out of doesnt leave much to be proud of. And now, a cricket team which insists on losing all it's matches doesnt add much!

There is much more to the city than that, but i don't wanna get started on why I love my city again. I promise I'll dedicate a whole post to that when i come back. For now, lemme just state that I love that place and can bear no criticism of chennai or it's people. I mean, will you be quiet if you family is being criticised? :-)

Coming back to the accusation. Yes, if you accuse me of standing up for my city, I shall bow and admit that it is true. So shall every other fellow Chennaite I know. But we do not claim that tamil food is the best. Dosa's are alright, but we can survive on naan just as well. And yes, we crib and crib about not having the perfect filter kaapi, but it doesn't take us too long to realise that Bru is a good substitute - it has a slight chocolatey taste to it too!

But that wasn't her accusation. Her accusation was about how we're proud of being Tamil. Are we, really? It's easy to see why one would think so. Our absolute refusal to accept Hindi as our National language, for starters. For the record, I'm completely with my state government on this. I think it's ridiculous for the Central govt. to force a language upon me. I agree we need a unifying language et al, but why Hindi? It's bullshit to argue that the majority speaks it, cause majority of what? Majority of the people I know don't speak the language! And i live in a Metro!! Why not English? Please don't reply with "English is a foreign language", because Hindi is just as foreign to me as English is. Plus if I learn English, I'll actually be able to communicate with people all around the world. In fact, knowing Tamil, will probably help people much more in Singapore and Sri lanka - where Tamil is a national language. The only reason I see for me to learn Hindi is so that I can watch Shah Rukh Khan movies! But hey, I'd like to learn Chinese so I can watch Bruce Lee too!!

The august before last, we had gone to Nainital on a college trip. We had to buy a few curios and stuff and had to bargain with the peddlers there. We had to speak to them in broken Hindi and every single one of them made it a point to scold us for our lack of knowledge of Hindi. One of them even said "Hindi is an international language - everyone should know"(!!!). We meekly heard them out, took our shopping bags and came home. After all, their territory, their language. We were the outsiders. What can we say? Back home, on the other hand, my North Indian friends crib all the time about how the auto-karans here speak only Tamil. No meekness there. No acknowledgement of how it's okay for a person to speak their mother tongue in their part of the world!!

How can we be full of pride after all this? After not being able to speak our language in our own cities? After being imposed upon from all sides to learn a language we don't want to?

The central govt. has imposed a new rule that everyone working in a Central govt. academic institution must pass a basic test in Hindi. To read and write it. Not enought to know your physics/chemistry/math/mechanis. Nope, one's gotta know her/his hindi! No matter where the institute is. IISc and IIT-M come under this even though they're both in South Indian cities rebelling against imposition of Hindi. I, for one, will not pass such a test. I know exactly two letters in Hindi, and though once upon a time I wanted to learn the language, recent events like those stated above has put me off. It might be a fun thing to do - learn a new language, but I will not. Just because it is forced upon. "To take a stand", if I must use forceful statements. It probably sounds childish, but that's the way a whole state feels about it and the Central govt. doesn't seem to care.

I'm not saying my language is the best. I'm not claiming that Barathi was the best poet ever. I'm not saying that no one compares to Kris Srikant in cricket. I'm not saying that idlies are food of the Gods. I don't care how much you mutilate my name. I don't give a damn whether we're a pure Indian race or not. It really doesn't matter to me if Tamil is the oldest language. And I definitely don't wish to prove to you that we're the best.

All I'm saying is that, we're a nice bunch. Fun people doing their own thing. Let us be..

P.S: In retrospect, I realise I started talking about one thing and ended up somewhere else, but it all connects up in it's own way..

Just another day..

She enters the room, eyes glinting with anger and.. and something else - could you call it hatred?

Her friend asks her to "relax".

"How can I?", she yells back, even as she knew she soon would. She knew that the next day, not only would she relax, but she would even be comfortable with the thought; a thought which made her quiver with rage; a thought which made her want to choke him with her bare hands. She knew that within a mere 24 hours, she would've gotten used to it.. Grudgingly, she would've accepted it as a part of the unfairness of life.

"Which him?", her friend asks her.

Which him, indeed!

Suddenly she realises (strange, how the thought hadn't occurred to her before) that all her current trouble could be attributed to guys!
The one who denied her her constitutional right to freedom of speech; the one who rejected her proposal because he didn't want to lose power; the one who threatened to destroy her world because she reported the truth like it was; the one who reduced her friend to tears everyday - they were all men!

"Is this what they call sexual discrimination?", she wonders aloud.

Oh, there were guys being affected by it as well.. but somehow she couldn't help feeling that she felt the impact more! maybe because she couldn't help believing the best of everyone - she couldn't help trusting..

"Don't worry about it", her friend tells her, "another year or so, and you needn't have anything to do with them ever again!"

She nods her head, though deep down she doesn't agree. She doesn't like what happened to her. She doesn't like the idea of being suppressed by people just because they feel threatened. She doesn't like being told what to do, what to write, what to say.. She wants to fight it, but doesn't know how! She thinks it's unfair, but sees no solution. She feels helpless.

She knows, deep down, that these people need to be taught to be fair. Yet, she nods her head. She knows she won't do the "teaching".

"I don't have the time", she tells herself.
After all, there are assignments to be submitted, tests to be written, records to be drawn, projects to be done..

She sighs..

She knows by next week all this will be forgotten and they - the people who inflicted all this pain - will be forgiven. Forgiven without heir their knowledge for something they did not know they did! Free to continue doing what they've been doing all along - making people's lives miserable, if only for a day!

Creationalism

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaithMatters/Story?id=4467337&page=1

Hee hee..

These guys will do anything to remain in the cozy shell. Reminds me of the matrix.

Mental note: Post on cozy shell and matrix.

P.S: I hope that this doesn't, in any way, hurt the sentiments of the creationalists(right!). It's just that as a scientist, i find it slightly on the amusing side..

The ultimate plunge!

Last night we had a panel discussion on the increasing number of suicides in IIT. Frankly, i am not so suprised that there are so many. Not to soun cruel, but what is suprising is that there are not many more!

Consider a typical IIT student. All his/her life, (s)he has been at the top of the class. Probably first in school, with a NCERT schol. and an olympiad medal thrown in for good measure. Then the kid manages to crack the JEE/JAM/GATE. (S)he becomes an instant celebrity. They're paraded around town by their parents who are feeling indulgent and would sanction any wish (s)he has. (S)he is utterly pamered until it's time for him or her to leave for the insti.

Once here, the ragging - although mild now - starts. They find that all of a sudden, they aren't top of the class anymore and they are (horror of horrors) an average student!!They're still considered the best by their parents who believe they're doing great, but only they know the real truth. A feeling of guilt sweeps in. Not being at home anymore, they have no one to talk to.. Most of their friends are locked up in their own room watch pirated movies downloaded from the LAN. Of course, there's the Guidance and Counselling Unit (pop. known as GCU), but that's not a big help. How many people are willing to go talk to an utter stranger? Thus they becomes more and more depressed, friendless. Meanwhile, their parents and others at home continue to think that they're the best. They know better than that. Rather, they think they know better than that. The guilt intensifies and finally.. well, they decide to "end it all"!

The professors aren't much help, honestly. Some are brilliant and approachable but you also have a few who'll call a spade a spade, and don't mind telling you to your face that they think you're useless! Obviously you're not, but acc. to them, not being able to solve a gamma function is useless!

And the whole concept of relative grading does nothing to aleviate the situation!! But more on that later..

Last night during the panel discussion a person in the audiance asked the guy from suicide prevention society, a question on inferiority complex. That guy replyed saying "it's strange to hear the words 'inferiority complex' inside IIT, but we're all human beings, aren't we?". But if you ask me, there's more IC floating around in this 420 acres than anywhere else in the city.. Oh, don't get me wrong. All IITians think they're the best, la creme de la creme and all that jazz.. But only in comparision with the rest of the world. Inside IIT, there's always someone better than you at something. Most of the time, most people are better than you at most things. And since you think you're better than the rest of the world, you care more than the rest of the world does. The rest of the world don't have any false notions about their ability. They are honest to themselves about how good/bad they are. They don't have any false pride. But since the IITian does, (s)he cares much more about the fact that (s)he's not good at something. And as one can't be good at everything, everyone here has an inferiority complex w.r.t something and a very intense one at that!