Cutting off..

Eventhough I'll be 22 soon, the way some of my friends behave, I feel I never left high school! They gossip, they bitch, they get hurt when you don't choose sides, they hold grudges and refuse to let go of them and basically make your life hell.

I don't think my parents aprove of my feeling so strongly about this, but I hate it when one friend of mine bitches about another. What I hate more is when one of them goes all "Oh, we should so meet up sometime and catch up - all of us" and doesn't turn up for any party you arrange, even if the party is so scheduled just so it matches their schedule! I hate it when they cite parental permission as a reason for not coming but manage to get around their parents when it comes to meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends.

And you know what else I hate? If they call one of my close friends names and claim he/she(person X) just "uses people" even though I know very well that it is no so and X was the only person there for me through a certain mini crisis when all of them weren't even acknowledging my existance.

I hate it that they can be so insensitive about my friends and how I'd like to hear such things about them.

Yesterday, Mutt was cribbing about how a friend of hers "cut her off". (You know, doesn't pick up/return calls, emails. Always busy, the works.) And I was all "why would anyone want to do that?". Now I am seriouly considering it. Not that it'll take much effort mind you, considering I'm the one who calls most of the time anyway!

And why am I not doing so? Because they're most of what I have left from a certain period in my life and to let go would mean.. I dunno.. Failure?

P.S: I am writing this in a lot of rage, sorry about that. And if you're wondering about what happens if one of them reads it (because it's pretty obvious who the people are), then my answer is, I'd like it if they did. I wouldn't have any explaining to do.

Note of thanks.

Don't you love it when someone calls you up in the middle of the night and tells you you're a great friend, and thanks you for being one?!

Much as you know you completely don't deserve it, it's in the top ten "best feelings".

On friends and labels

One fine morning, between two classes, I had 45 mins to kill and so i sat and labelled all my posts. It tells you a lot, this labelling business. It tells you what you spend your time on mostly. Apparently, I spend the least anount of time on lists and romance. Which is a weird thing to say if you know me, but whatever. More romantic lists coming up! :-P Oh, I don't post much on the IPL either, but the 2nd seeason will open soon and then we shalt have more!

But that is not what this post will be about. This one will once again be dedicated to my friends. So here goes.

Note: If you are my friend, you're bound to be mentioned. If you can't spot yourself, shame on you! But ping/message/mail/call/scrap/wall/comment and I shall point you out.

Everyone, esp the dad, loves pointing out that I have too many friends. Too many "best friends", they say. 'You undermine the meaning of 'best'!', they reproach. What can I do? I love them all equally. I have no way of deciding!

And the strange part is, how little they all have in common. If you take a set of all my best/close friends, there wll be at least one person each one of them will not be able to get along with/will not approve of. I guess the only thing they have in common is that they are all judgemental! But then again, who isn't?

I have such a huge variety of friends. From the quiet types like Colla, Jen, RaG and RA to the tomboys like jude-the-dude. From the holy God-fearing people like Mopsi, Princess, Assie, Jan to agnostics like RG, MM to atheists like Tequila and Mutt. From geeks like Jij, MV, DC(!!!) to the I-haven't-touched-a-textbook-to-save-my-life like The girl, Row and Chai. From dancers like Jan, Shiny, Aru to singers like SC and well, most of the others! From the I-am-too-lazy-to-leave-my-room such as Mutt, Colla and De to enthu-for-anything like Samie, Muds, Kitty, Tequila and RG. From supremely helpful bordering on doormatedness like MM, Pumpkin, Assie, San to bossiness personified a la Mutt, Mopsi and CL. From the burka sporting CL and De to the mini-skirt sporting (that sentence sounds weird) Rad and Tequila. From friends who have made me feel like, well, a princess (no, I haven't forgotten) at a moment's notice like Pipe, The girl, MM, Chai to people who have made me cry(yes, they are still my close friends - ask me not why!) like CC, Cheapskate. From the tech-savy Arjie and Chai to the girl who asks me to configure her nokia settings - Sony. From the deathmetal addicts like Arjie and the The girl to Carnatic music fans like Assie, SC to hip-hop fans like Kitty(my love) to sad-80's hindustani music fans like Mutt, SC, Colla.

And this, my dears, is just the non-incriminating tip of the iceberg! There is loads hidden below the surface.

But none of it matters. Because I love them all (almost) the same. And I see no reason why people should have difficulty believing that!

The real bite of nostalgia

I was going though the folders on the pc at home and I found "The Making of Woodstock". Pipe put his foot down and said we weren't gonna print that. Too degrading or some such thing. But I wonder why. I mean who wouldn't wanna be part of that mad maaaad world? It was fun while it lasted. But it was more than that. It's one of those few things I really do (did?) miss about MCC. Pipe goading us on; Roshan's wisecracks during our 3 hr meetings (which consisted of 5 mins of deciding what the next issue was gona contain and 2 hrs and 55 mins of the aforementioned wise-cracks); Sande's "I'll take care of it"s; Danny pretending to know it all- Danny suprising us by actually knowing it all! Vasudha's writing.. Plus that was where I met three of my closest friends..

For those of you who wonder about the nostalgia, I present to you, for the first time, "The Making of Woodstock". May Pipe burn in hell! It's my blog and I write what I want!

The Making of Woodstock

We aren’t saying it isn’t fun. We aren’t saying it is hard work. We aren’t saying that we don’t enjoy it. All we are saying is.. Well, read on and you’ll understand what we went through before we brought out this issue.

It all started on Jan 3rd when we came back after spending 12 days sleeping and eating - and sleeping some more. Realisation dawned upon us that the January issue of Woodstock was due. Someone mildly suggested that we get started immediately, but it was immediately quashed down by cries from the geekier of us claiming that we’ll do it after the CAs – no problemo.

Well, the CAs came and went (and left us none the happier for it). It was Saturday the 12th and we decided we’ll get started. An online meet was scheduled for nine p.m. At nine, I logged in to find no one there.. Frantic messaging gave me to understand that out of the remaining 5, one was in Hyderabad, one was out for dinner, one was practicing.. something, one was fast asleep, and the last one was, shall I say.. at a different level of thinking. With a sigh, we resheduled it for the same time, next night.

Now anybody who knows the woodstock team would not be surprised that the online meet scheduled for 9 started infact at 10.30 and went on till past midnight (which got some of us nearly thrown out of our houses, but we will not dwell on minor issues). The topics discussed included serial killings, shilpa shetty, how to apply Gauss’ law using spherical co-ordinates, pongal celebrations, birthday parties, the book fair, the hottest guy/girl in college, etc.. Finally, we decided we’ll send in the articles by Tuesday – do the DTP by Thursday and get the issue scrutinized and out by the next week.

Tuesday night saw one article in the inbox. By Wednesday there were two. By Saturday, the number increased to 4. On Sunday the following message was sent to all
“Dear team member, This sms is regarding the your article for the next issue of woodstock. On checking the mail account, I am saddened to note that it has made it’s appearance yet. Please look into the issue. Thank you. Your’s sincerely, A teammate.”
Reply 1: Don’t worry sweetheart, it’ll be done.
Reply 2: Tonight. Tonight. I’ll send it in positively by midnight.
Reply 3: What’s the hurry?
Reply 4: If I do it.. Will you get me OD?
Sunday night in the inbox – You’ve got (0) new mails.
(to be continued..)

The reader will please note that close to 600 rupees worth of talk time, 500 messages, three online conferences – each lasting for approximately 2 hours, 15 online chats – lasting an hour, 5 fights, numerous train rides and sessions in front of Nescafe and endless cups of lemon tea (courtesy the college cafeteria) went into the making of this issue.

As cute as it gets.

Got my first intro to 55 from Pseudo here.

Anyway, decided to write one myself. A '55' is a story which is written in less than 55 words. So here goes:

Her mind wandered as usual. She smiles to herself as she thinks of the previous evening. Dinner was perfect. Her phone suddenly vibrates. She checks it under the desk. A message - 'Stop thinking of me and concentrate on class :-) '. She couldn't help grinning as she continued copying down what was on the board.

Oh, I know that's so-cute-it-makes-you-puke-ish and who-does-that-anyway-ish, but hey, it's my first attempt, so be nice, okay?
Oh and you guys should try a 55 as well!

I'm a... WHAT?

Scene one(Temashek hall, NUS - my room): Aquila's gtalking and I'm sipping the Raspberry Vodka I split with her. The vodka's getting to me, I guess. I turn to her and go, "doesn't all this feel nice and grown-up. Sitting in a different country, chatting with your best friend and drinking pink-colour alcohol? Like your childhood dream?" She turns back and smiles.
Half and hour later:
Aquila: Do you still feel on top of the world?
Me: No!

Scene 2 (Fruit shop, Anna Nagar): I'm meeting two of my school friends - Banu and Archana - after four years. We haven't met or spoken since school, but we used to be pretty close then. I called them on an impulse and we decided to meet.
Archana: So, what you planning to do next?
Me: PhD, hopefully.
Banu: But won't that take a long time?
Me: 5 years, if I'm luck (yes, I think of Mike Slakenerny and smile!)
Archana: So, when you planning to get married??
Me: M-M-mmarried?
Banu: Yeah..
Me: After that I guess.. Why? When you guys planning to get married?
Archana: In another year or two I guess.. They're looking out.
Me: Looking out??? But that's so... grown up!

Scene 3 (I'm having a messaging conversation with a 'friend*'). Friend sends me a message "... so, we suspected my girlfriend was pregnant and I had to got her a test.."
Me: ??????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I'm obviously not gonna tell you who I'm talking about, so don't even bother asking!


Scene 4 (Bakkiya's house): We're sipping juice and listening to her describe labour pains and how great it is (yeah, you heard me right the first time)! Sug is listening. Soumya and I look at each other. Um, but this is what adults - older women talk about! Not.. not us!!!

Scene 5 (On the phone): A friend is telling me about his taxes and arrears. I go "Ha, ha, you have arrears". I hear a frown which conveys 'grow up already'. I try to cover up with "It sounds so.. you know.. grown up. It's what parents do!!". It does!

Scene 6 (Suganya's wedding): Some dude goes "I welcome Mr.Allen and Mrs. Suganya Princess". Mrs???????

Scene 7 (In the car): Archana goes "do you know we are over age for all sports training camps in the city? Everyone tells us 'we'll let you know if we start a senior batch!'" We are??

Scene 8 (last night, outside my gate): We're returning from Soumya's sister's wedding. Divvya (for those of you who don't know, Divvya is my oldest friend. We've been 'best-friends' since 2nd standard) was dropping me home. It was around 11.30 in the night. I was the last one to be dropped, as usual (It's because I live the closest to her place. Plus I'm good with directions). I had to keep going 'turn left, go right, go straight' since Deena's house.
Finally we entered my colony. I said "you're supposed to know this place.. you grew up here!!"
She goes "yeah, I know"
But to irritate her I continued "take a right here".
"I know"
"Left"
"I know"
"Go straight."
I get a glare.
(At my road) "Turn right"
"Hello? I know!!!!"
"First house on the left."
"Oh, apadingala (Is that so)?? I didn't know.."

We both laughed as I got out of the car and she waited till I got into the house before leaving - like her dad and granddad used to do the many times they dropped me over the past 15 years. I thought of 15 years ago when I actually didn't know her house and went searching for it with my maid on Diwali day. She came back home with me that day and it's been 15 years since then. But it seems like just yesterday. Not that I mind the drop-you-off-post-11-and-make-sure-you're-in-before-i-take-off thing. It kinda feels nice.
(Who am I kidding?)
It feels real good and all.. well, grown up.

Maybe, just maybe, being grown up isn't so bad after all! :-)

Enga area.. ulla varadhae!

Before I begin,
Happy birthday, Madras!

A long promised post. I must say that the repeated requests for it flattered me no end and I wanted to do justice to it! Hence I took a long time and decided to post it on August 22nd - for what better day??

I’m not gonna give you people a list of reasons we love this place. Enough blogs have them. Or open the supplements today. All of them will carry popular opinions which will, I’m sure include filter kaapi, podimas, beach road, mount road, ranganathan street, spencers(for Gawd knows what reason), Anna nagar tower, etc.. I, however, am gonna merely state and refute or reinstate popular opinions, giving credit where it is due.

So what is so great about this place, you ask? After all, it has been voted as being the hottest, most conservative, boring, and most under-developed among the metros! A desert - in short. Chennai autos are infamous throughout the country and the city is definitely not known for its night-life, hot chicks or guys! There are exactly two big malls and Chennai people do not know how to dress and those who do, find it too expensive to maintain it! The city dwellers refuse to learn hindi, thus making it difficult for the rest of the country to come down for a visit and what's there by way of sight-seeing anyway? The city has a rainy season of two-weeks and is eternally on the verge of a water-shortage. The politicians are again infamous throughout the country (who doesn't know Jayalalitha? - who studied in Church Park, btw..)and the people are uninteresting and stupid. Most importantly, according to my friend, "It didn't even have a McD till 3 months ago, and Madrasi food sucks!" and the beach is of course, as dirty as it gets!

Okay, now that I've written all the points which people keep throwing at me, let me start by refuting them one by one.

First of all, this place is not a desert. As my sister put it 'The only thing you don't get in T.Nagar is an aeroplane'.

Yes it is hot, I'm sorry about that - but has anyone ever noticed that it is hot for precisely 3 months a year? The rest of the year, I am cursing the hostel administrators every morning for not having a geyser!

And yup, most people are conservative, but that is just about the way they live their lives and the way their children live theirs! They let everyone else be. Chennites are among those who do not pass judgement easily, believe it or not. We're more open minded than B'loreans or Delhites in the sense that, in either of those places, you need to be 'cool' and 'hep'. You can't be who you are the way you want to be. You need to fake it and pretend just to fit in - something neither I, nor anyone I know had to do in Chennai. It's a city of extremes and weirdly, the extremes get along very well. Here, it is common to find a pardha cladding muslim be best friends with one who sports the minis and halters.

The autos are irritating, but be a sport about it, won't you? Walk! Nothing feels as good as a long walk. Just trust me on this one. And if you hate your feet, take the public transport. Apparently, Chennai is one of the few cities which is very wll connected by public transport! (If anyone has a contention here, they can contact Mr. Ipe Job, who, by the way, spent his entire childhood elsewhere).

And as for the nightlife, we do have our fair share of clubs and discos and pubs. What we also have is more than our fair share of Sabhas and Concert halls and Theatre/Rock fests! *Allow me a huge grin here, will you?*

Two big malls and one McD – forgive me, but I’m kinda proud we haven’t yet succumbed to the US based MNCs who drive our men out of business!

The hindi bit, again something I’m proud of, but that has a whole post dedicated to it. Besides, did you know that you didn’t need to know Tamil at all to survive here? Ask my friend Anisha – she was born in Chennai, lived here all her life, her mother-tongue is tamil, she studied tamil in school till the 8th and she still can’t frame a proper sentence in it! Why? Because she doesn’t need to!
In fact, apart from her, I have exactly, *counts* 5 tamilian friends. No, 6, but the 6th is the same as Anisha - can’t speak tam for nuts! I’m talking about people born and brought up in Chennai, of course. It is expected I should know many more… but weirdly I don’t! *grins* Cosmopolitan, eh?

The city, though has always been on the verge of water-shortage, never actually was! 5 successive years of failed monsoon and I didn’t have to miss a single bath. Compare this with the west, where one failed monsoon and they’re already worried to death!

I dunno what they mean when they say ‘Madarasi food’, but I’ll say one thing – we make the best god dammed sandwiches EVER! (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please please go to Alsa mall the next time you’re free!
Oh, and one thing non-south Indians should know – idly doesn’t taste the least bit like how you get it in restaurants – I dunno why, but home idlys feel and taste very different!

Hot chicks, dreamy guys – well, you got me there. Er.. * scratches head*. All I can say is Madhavan, Siddharth, Shriya, anyone?? *sheepish grin*

Oh, the sight-seeing bit *chuckles* (bet no one else got the joke anyway!), well.. apart from the beaches (check ‘em all out!), I have on my platter Dakshin Chitra, 3 amusement parks, Mahabs, Crocodile bank (it’s really cool, trust you me!), Vandalur zoo (It’s almost as good as the Singapore one. Almost), etc.. (Remind me to put up a long list at some point of time in life.

As for the uninteresting and stupid people bit, well.. off the top of my head – Indira Nooyi, A.R Rahman, Kalam (well, he studied in MIT – that counts), C.V.Raman, Chandrashekar, Vishvanathan Anand, etc..

So yes, there I refute all the statements ever thrown. If you have anymore, bring ‘em on!

Oh, and also, let me mention that no one can stay in this city for more than 4 years without falling in love with it, apparently. Ask my MCC friends – Unni Nair, Sai Krishna, Satyaki Roy, Prashant Ipe Job, Shannon Peter to name a few..
They constantly surprise me with they proclaimations! Stuff even I wouldn’t dream of saying. Like Unni saying he’ll do anything to settle down in Chennai! Or Satyaki (this guy swore he would never return to Chennai once he was done with MCC) pinging me to let me know that he was returning to ‘his favourite city’ the next day. And Pipe (dude could never stop talking about UP when he landed here) having an argument with me – ME – about the afore mentioned transport thing. And Shannon (sigh, you gotta meet him – no word would do justice here) calling me up the night before an exam to argue about how Chennai is the safest city on the planet. Yes, I said argue. I didn’t agree with him of course!


Last year, same day, I sent a message to all my friends wishing them. I don't have a copy of the message, so I can't quote it verbatim, but here's what I remember of it: "I'm looking out of my window and all I can see is a vast expanse of green trees and shrubs against a light blue and pink and purple sky dotted with white clouds. A few coconut trees are popping out of the green mass and swaying to the wind. In a distance is a solitary building - the tidal park with it's lights coming on! And all this, bang in the centre of the city! Where else, but here?”

That message still holds.

We love you, Madras!!!! :-)

With friends like this...

Have you ever come across a pair of friends you envy - envy, cause you never had a friend like that? A pair who make you wanna lean against the door and smile? A pair you're not a part of, and though you'd love to be, you do not want to even peep into their world in case you destroy the balance? The kind of friends you read about in books, and are talked about in movies - and all this while you thought that that kind did not exist and when you realise they do, you suddenly feel lonely - lonely like never before.. and happy - happy, cause, to re-quote Aquila's blog title "it's a wonderful world indeed which contains something so beautiful!

( To answer your questions, yes I am thinking of certain two people, and no, I'm not gonna tell you who it is!)

And once again - goodbye!

The following is an excerpt from a mail I meant to send a year ago(31/5/07 to be exact), but never did! I found it in the drafts today, while looking for something else, and I just thought I'll put it in. It describes a feeling I was to experience many times over in the following year:


You know that feeling you get when you see a friend off? You see her getting into the bus and take up a seat. She looks out at you from the window and smiles and waves. You smile back and keep waving till the bus turns around the corner. Then you turn around and start walking. The road suddenly looks both beautiful and empty. You have a smile on your face but you feel lonely.. Why am i typing this? Because i just saw Madhu off on her JNC shuttle and I wanted to get the feeling while it still was there. Sure there's another shuttle I can catch in another two hours but life - my work would've caught up with me by then. I would no longer want to get into the bus.. I'll meet her, maybe, this weekend, but the moment would be long gone. But, years later when I look back and ponder upon what our friendship was all about, it is this moment that i will think of. It is that feeling - a sudden loss of safety, a sense of loneliness - that I will remember.

And now, a year later, I've done that over and over again. Endless times. Now-a-days, it's with a "I dunno when I'll see you next, so I'll see you when I'll see you" - to close/best friends from school going abroad, to cousins leaving to different places, to classmates from college who work in different parts of the world, to friends I met during the summer during my internship... the list is endless!

There is no escape of course - the goodbyes must be said, the hugs must be given and you must watch them as they turn and disappear out of sight - perhaps forever!

The night before the wedding.

One evening Marilla, coming in from the orchard with a basket of apples, found Anne sitting along by the east window in the twilight, crying bitterly.

"Whatever's the matter now, Anne?" she asked.

"It's about Diana," sobbed Anne luxuriously. "I love Diana so, Marilla. I cannot ever live without her. But I know very well when we grow up that Diana will get married and go away and leave me. And oh, what shall I do? I hate her husband--I just hate him furiously. I've been imagining it all out--the wedding and everything--Diana dressed in snowy garments, with a veil, and looking as beautiful and regal as a queen; and me the bridesmaid, with a lovely dress too, and puffed sleeves, but with a breaking heart hid beneath my smiling face. And then bidding Diana goodbye-e-e--" Here Anne broke down entirely and wept with increasing bitterness.

- Anne(12) in Anne of Green Gables


"It's all pretty much as I used to imagine it long ago, when I wept over your inevitable marriage and our consequent parting," she laughed. "You are the bride of my dreams, Diana, with the `lovely misty veil'; and I am YOUR bridesmaid. But, alas! I haven't the puffed sleeves -- though these short lace ones are even prettier. Neither is my heart wholly breaking nor do I exactly hate Fred."

- Anne(21) in Anne of the Island

Wherever I roam..

Last night it rained hard in Chennai. A sudden burst of thunder followed by heavy rain which lasted for many hours. A strange occurence in itself. Many wondered why - it was so out of the blue. It seemed like a clear evening.

Not those who knew me of course! The city was in tears with happiness. The princess had returned to her kingdom! :-)

The streets were muddy. The roads - flooded. Even the new bridge over the Katipara junction had stagnated water all over it. It was 12 in the night and the traffic was still chaotic. We got splashed and sprayed as the call taxis and guys in their shining pulsars over-took us as they raced past, breaking a million traffic rules on their way. As i looked out, many people huddled close, holding a plastic sheet over their head. A thin old man, walked past us near nungambakkam, with a walking stick to hold him up and a towel to protect him from the lashing rain. A transformer sent out a shower of sparks before immering the area in darkness. We drove past old forgotten buildings, construction sites, half-broken walls, huts with the roofs letting through the water, buildings with the paint peeling off..

And i smiled to myself. I was home.

:-)

Personal jinx!

Lately, I have a feeling that I'm cursed! Any IPL team I support seems to be losing! It started of course, with CSK. I admit it,it was me who was in the way of all their defeats! Took me long enough to realise what the problem was..

It started last saturday. CSK lost against RR. My status message was "Go CSK go!" And they promptly lost the match! There was a match after that - Mumbai indians vs Delhi Daredevils. I was told to "pray that Mumbai wins, cause if they do, CSk goes to the semis". So obviously, my status was "Go Mumbai!". Guess what? They lost the match too!

Coincidence? That's what I thought too, until there was a Mumbai vs RR match.

Jaipur needed 35 runs from 2 overs! Everyone assumed that Mumbai will sail to a finish, but sadly they didn't know that I had just joined the Mumbai cheering squad! Just to irritate a friend I said "Mumbai rocks. Go Mumbai Indians!". The next ball, jaipur hit a six and went on to win the match!!!

It finally dawned on me what I had to do! Switch loyalities! CSK vs Deccan Chargers. CSK's final chance to get into the semis. My status message: "Go Deccan". And guess what? It worked! CSK won! There was much celebration afterwards. Though my team (DC) lost, I was kind hearted enough to be happy for my friends... ;-)

Now I switch my loyalities again:

"Go Punjab! Go Delhi! Go Jaipur! Go Go Go!! Lets kick some CSK ass!!!"

:-)

A racey post!

Recently, Aquila accused "tams" of taking a lot of pride in their race. "Second in the line", she claims,"right after the bongs"! A statement which caught me completely off-guard! Do we really?? The fact is, this is the first such accusation I've faced in the past 21 years..

It all started off with me correcting the way she pronounced "Madras". It's Med(as in short for Medical)-raas. That's the way we pronounce it. Truth be told, I dunno if that's the right way of doing it, but that's the way the localites fondly refer to it as and that's what stays. She insists on "Ma(as in mother)-da-raas". I correct her and she says that's how they write it in Marati and then goes on to accuse me of acting like a bong! * Huh? *

Lemme clear a few things right now. It's not my race/language/culture I'm proud of. They're as good as any other (except maybe America). No better. No worse. But when it comes to my city, it's a whole new story.

Most people assume yhat the 45 degree temperature which forces everyone to flee and the obvious conservative and traditional lifestyle which the people there are so scared to come out of doesnt leave much to be proud of. And now, a cricket team which insists on losing all it's matches doesnt add much!

There is much more to the city than that, but i don't wanna get started on why I love my city again. I promise I'll dedicate a whole post to that when i come back. For now, lemme just state that I love that place and can bear no criticism of chennai or it's people. I mean, will you be quiet if you family is being criticised? :-)

Coming back to the accusation. Yes, if you accuse me of standing up for my city, I shall bow and admit that it is true. So shall every other fellow Chennaite I know. But we do not claim that tamil food is the best. Dosa's are alright, but we can survive on naan just as well. And yes, we crib and crib about not having the perfect filter kaapi, but it doesn't take us too long to realise that Bru is a good substitute - it has a slight chocolatey taste to it too!

But that wasn't her accusation. Her accusation was about how we're proud of being Tamil. Are we, really? It's easy to see why one would think so. Our absolute refusal to accept Hindi as our National language, for starters. For the record, I'm completely with my state government on this. I think it's ridiculous for the Central govt. to force a language upon me. I agree we need a unifying language et al, but why Hindi? It's bullshit to argue that the majority speaks it, cause majority of what? Majority of the people I know don't speak the language! And i live in a Metro!! Why not English? Please don't reply with "English is a foreign language", because Hindi is just as foreign to me as English is. Plus if I learn English, I'll actually be able to communicate with people all around the world. In fact, knowing Tamil, will probably help people much more in Singapore and Sri lanka - where Tamil is a national language. The only reason I see for me to learn Hindi is so that I can watch Shah Rukh Khan movies! But hey, I'd like to learn Chinese so I can watch Bruce Lee too!!

The august before last, we had gone to Nainital on a college trip. We had to buy a few curios and stuff and had to bargain with the peddlers there. We had to speak to them in broken Hindi and every single one of them made it a point to scold us for our lack of knowledge of Hindi. One of them even said "Hindi is an international language - everyone should know"(!!!). We meekly heard them out, took our shopping bags and came home. After all, their territory, their language. We were the outsiders. What can we say? Back home, on the other hand, my North Indian friends crib all the time about how the auto-karans here speak only Tamil. No meekness there. No acknowledgement of how it's okay for a person to speak their mother tongue in their part of the world!!

How can we be full of pride after all this? After not being able to speak our language in our own cities? After being imposed upon from all sides to learn a language we don't want to?

The central govt. has imposed a new rule that everyone working in a Central govt. academic institution must pass a basic test in Hindi. To read and write it. Not enought to know your physics/chemistry/math/mechanis. Nope, one's gotta know her/his hindi! No matter where the institute is. IISc and IIT-M come under this even though they're both in South Indian cities rebelling against imposition of Hindi. I, for one, will not pass such a test. I know exactly two letters in Hindi, and though once upon a time I wanted to learn the language, recent events like those stated above has put me off. It might be a fun thing to do - learn a new language, but I will not. Just because it is forced upon. "To take a stand", if I must use forceful statements. It probably sounds childish, but that's the way a whole state feels about it and the Central govt. doesn't seem to care.

I'm not saying my language is the best. I'm not claiming that Barathi was the best poet ever. I'm not saying that no one compares to Kris Srikant in cricket. I'm not saying that idlies are food of the Gods. I don't care how much you mutilate my name. I don't give a damn whether we're a pure Indian race or not. It really doesn't matter to me if Tamil is the oldest language. And I definitely don't wish to prove to you that we're the best.

All I'm saying is that, we're a nice bunch. Fun people doing their own thing. Let us be..

P.S: In retrospect, I realise I started talking about one thing and ended up somewhere else, but it all connects up in it's own way..

Gimme red!

Ask any girl - any Indian girl, I mean.. She'll tell you about the magic that is mehendi (a.k.a maridani).

You usually get it done before a big event - a wedding, birthday, diwali, maybe.. even a cousin's engagement is excuse enough. Or during the holidays when you're jobless and have nothing better to do..

If you are lucky, you get to watch as the leaves are grounded and made into a nice paste (don't add too much water - it'll run; not too less, either - it won't flow; add a little lemon - it'll make your hand redder) and made into cute cones with the bottoms cut.

You watch as your mom/sister/neighbour/friend races patterns on your palm. The paste feels cool against your skin. You tell then to change the pattern here(you don't like mangoes), you ask them to draw some leaves just here.. But in the end it doesn't matter, because the design is so intricate that you find it hard to make out the original pattern..

You strech your hand out for an hour - two hours. You can't hold anything - can't read a book - can't use the mouse - cant study(!!!!:-)) - can't eat.. So you sit and watch tv. Or sleep - unless of course, your mom is very particular about mehendi stains on the covers.

Once every half an hour, you squeeze lemon over your palm to stop it from drying too fast, but it dries anyway and little pieces of the mehendi fall off and you try to peek at it from the sides to see how red it has become. You imagine it becoming really red and you picture you showing it off to all your friends who will "ooh" and "aah" over it. You wonder if it'll go with the dress you're gonna wear the next day (No jeans and tee for a week! Stick to the indian wear!)

Finally, it's time to take it off. You, of course, aren't supposed to use water. You scrub it off, dirtying the floor, but who cares! Your hand now has pretty red patterns on it!

Of course, you find it hard to eat for the rest of the week considering the smell takes off the flavour of anything your bring near the nose, but that's a small price to pay!

Ouch.. that hurts!

You know when you lose a friend?

It is not when they move to another country.. It is not when they die.. It is not when you've lost their number.. It is not when you haven't spoken to them in many years.. It is not when parents or circumstances forbid you from speaking to them.. It is not even when you betray them or they betray you!

It is when you call them up and talk to them for a while and into your head pops a host of things which you would've confided in them in the ages past, but you dismiss them now with a wave of hand as unsuitable conversation and talk about the weather instead!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Closure is a strong word, but I suspected that that's what I needed.. I had hoped that my convocation will give me that, and I guess in a way it did.

For many months now - since July, 2007, to be precise - I have been looking back on my life in MCC with a sigh. Nostalgically.. Wishing with all my heart that I was back there. Everytime, I go there, I'll make a note and start counting down to the day when I'll go there again. This time, though, I left not knowing when I'll go back again, and guess what? I'm perfectly fine with that thought.

I guess what it really required was wrapping up the personal ties - realising a few truths, restarting some old friendships, rekindling the ones which are dying out, and letting a few die for the sake of friendship itself. What it took was a look at what is popularly known as the "big picture" and realising that fights, elections, tears, love and friendship was all just a part of college life. A three year drama - a masala movie with every spice in it - equally proportioned.

With that para, my post stopped making sense, so let me recap for the sake of those who are still reading and more than that for my own sake.. As i said, i need to press "publish post" before it ends.

June 16th, 2004(I do have an uncany memory for dates), I step in to the portals of MCC big eyed and full of wonder. There are all those people on stage who we're told are "gen. sec." and "chairman" and "convenors". Little do I know how I'll come to lose all respect for those post. The post, mind you, not the people. I still remember the first three days - the first day was the campus walk (I still can't, for the life of me, remember where they took us that day!). College ended at 12. The second day was dept orientation - college ended at 10.30. The third day was class orientation, college ended at 9.30. "This is too much", I remember complaining to Soumya.

The rest of the semester is just a haze.. I remember Nirupa, the triangle, Nirupa leaving, Subhashini's birthday party(the day she told us she was leaving), my first crushes in college, and my very first deep-dark-carry-to-the-grave secret(s). Oh yes, and of course the Goa trip.. But that's a post of it's own..

The second semester was even hazier.. Let me see.. The hall days (for some reason, I remember those!), Amandeep's arrival and all the guys going nuts, the girl gang, Yi and the drama club - which never really started, but yet led to other things which will not be mentioned in this post except to state that that is all I remember of the third and fourth semesters.. Well, almost all..

Third semester was also when the "cafe gang" was closest. Something happened in the 3rd sem which caused it to start breaking up.. I never figured what. I remember my and Sai's suprise parties, the trip to coorg and french classes.

Fourth semester: More hall days (wait, I think I went for only one that year).. Oh, yes and the elections. That is something I'll never forget - the year I came face up with hardcore politics and realised that there are things in this world I will never understand. The semester I lost all respect for the politician in a (wo)man - cause that's the worst in a person coming out - it's all about the self. The semester, when, suprisingly, my respect for Naren tripled - no, quadrupled and my respect for every other person involved fell into an abyss. The deeds were mended and made up for in other ways,but the respect never returned and I don't think it ever will.

Fifth semester: I was in depression. End of story. Oh, yes, depressed Nanital trip. And of course, Woodstock comes into existance (ta-da!).

Sixth semester: I stop hanging out with my batchmates because I had something to tell them which i didn't want to tell them and they kinda guessed it and i knew they had guessed it, so basically, It Was A Mess. Sixth semester was also Deepwoods 2006 third day and the week that followed. Sixth semester was also the time when life in MCC got really good. Almost as good as my first month there. Note how I said, almost. Not quite, 'cause I had JAM hanging over my head, but otherwise.. I made the kinda friends I had given up all hope of finding in MCC - I found people who I was proud to say I knew. For once, I didn't care about what the world thought and I became really close with my classmates. That was when I started loving my train rides. That was when I, for the first time in my life, did exactly what I wanted to. And realised, that that's all it took to be happy. Not happy happy. Just happy.

Yup, apart from the first one month, the sixth semester was the best of them all. Which is why, I found it so damn hard to get over the place. Which is why I needed a closure. I called up a few friends and cleared things out. I came to terms with the fact that some people just will not change. I accepted that a few of them make new "aquaitances" and I realise why they need to - silly, though the reason be. They're still my friends inspite of their silliness and that's what matters.

But most important of all, on my convocation day, I tried to reconnect with the whole lot of them and I realised that, save a hand picked few (the ones I can see have - and will continue to - survive the test of time) I couldn't relate to anyone else.

I had moved on.

I now know what I really got out of my 3 years - courage, freedom, a sense of independance, open-mindedness (I'll put important marks here, only my keyboard doesn't support it) and about 10 friends.

I need no more.

And so, as the title says "Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish!" :-)

Friendship - What's that?

I hate it when people say stuff like "my friends are the most important things in my life"! (things?) Maybe it's the J factor, 'coz i never felt that way about any friend. I don't think I can point at any of my friends and say "He/she knows me completely". Actually i can't even say "He she knows me" about most of my best friends, but you see, they still remain my 'best friends'.

Maybe I just define friendship in a whole different way. For me, friends aren't people you go to when you feel like crying (I go into my room and lock my door if i feel like a good cry). They aren't people who i confide my deepest secrets in (in that case, i have no friends!) Friends aren't even people who make you feel better, cause different people make you feel better at different times and the same person who cheered you up last semester can make you feel down in the dumps with the help of just one conversation!!

My Dad tells me I have too many friends.. Maybe I do.. What with school, college, insti, summer projects, neighbours.. one can't help having a lot of friends! But the point is that I'm equally close with a lot of people, thus leaving my really close with noone. And I like it that a way.

I like to organise things in my head.. Friends, wether they aprove of it or not, get classified - school, summer, home, camps, college, inisti, neighbours, good, close, best, kindred, etc.. But none of these groups are mutually exclusive. People keep jumping back and forth that I wonder if it's even worth it. And at the end of the day, I'm just plain confused and end up writing incoherent articles like this!!!!

A year ago, I sent this message to 8 of my school friends:
"Prashant asked me what connects my school friends.. What the bond is.. This is what I said: My friends and I, I don't really know.. But there is something, cause even in school we always knew that someone else didn't "belong".. Maybe it's that we like doing the same thing..Hanging out in the same places, shopping for similar things.. We like talking talking about the same subjects.. Give importance to the same things.. like studies always comes first.. But only during exams.. Otherwise no studying business! Just party.. We all talk sense, think straight, do not exaggerate or lie to impress, and are responsible.. yeah, I guess it's a combination of all this. Most importantly, we give each other space and yet go back knowing that there is a friend out there! You know, a feeling which I KNOW will last forever.."
These are the replies i got:
Deena, Divvya, Madhu and Suganya: "Who's prashant?"
Anisha: "Dude, are you okay?"
Soumya: "huh? gal.. why suddenly?"
The other two didn't even bother replying!!!!
But many months later, we had all met up in barista and the topic of that message came up and I found that they had all saved that message.. Is that what it's all about??

5 things i can't live without

Of all the things they ask in your orkut profile, i think this is the most ridiculous! The obvious answer being oxygen, food, water, etc.. But I've read that so many times that i conclude anybody who has that written as "bo-ring". I'd rather they leave the field empty..
The next obvious thing they write are "mom, dad, siblings, dog(?), friends, girl/boy-friend.." Yeah, sure kiddo, your mom and dad and siblings and well, dog mean a lot to you, and sure you'll be heart-broken if anything were to happen to them, but it's not like you can't live without them, is it? I'm sure you've lived away during your hostel days/school, college trips, etc.. And as for friends, i think it's high time they realise that 40 years from now, it's highly unlikely that they'll still be in touch with their friends.. And as for the boy/girl-friend, well, actually, i won't say anything there and merely give one of my "looks".

So why am i being such a hypocrite, you ask, when i have filled in my tab with 5 things i supposedly can't live without.. Well, I've written "laughter, coffee, something to hug, books, a phone".. My dad, thanks to not-too-pleasant expirences regd. the phone bill for the last 8 years or so will say that the last at any rate is true.. But i don't think so.. If you take away my phone, i'll be miserable, sure, but i think it's highly improbable that i'll be broken-hearted and die.. Ditto coffee and books and "something to hug". But laughter? If there was no laughter, I don't think life will be worth living. I am as good as dead without it. But that's one. And honestly, i can't think of anything else "i can't live without".

They should change it to "5 things without which you'll be miserable". Makes more sense. Else i guess, the answer is the same for everyone: Oxygen, food, water, a working heart and brain.. And of course laughter.