Teenage dirtbag! - The player told me to!

So my sister pings me for the first time ever to tell me that I've been tagged.

The last time she tagged me, I happily ignored it.. but this time, it seems fun. She puts up a bunch of questions and I'm supposed to leave my played on. At each question I'm supposed to press "shuffle" and type out the song with comes on as the answer (with comments - witty or otherwise). Well, here goes..


If someone says “is this okay?” You say?

It's my life (Bon jovi)


Whoa..



What would best describe your personality?

Why can't a woman.. - My fair lady


No comments :D



What do you like in a guy/girl?

Rock Bottom - Eminem


Ah.. the secret's out! ;-)



How do you feel today?

Ob la di, od la Da - Beatles


Just finished Quantum exam.. ob la di, ob la da.. life goes on.. though "rock bottom" would've fit better, me thinks..



What is your life’s purpose?

Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton


How noble!



What is your motto?

Bed of roes - Bon jovi


Yup, that is exactly how I sign off my letters:
"Chitra Gautham
Bed of Roses"

Hail the roses!!



What do your friends think of you?

Lose yourself - eminem


:-( Really? :-(



What do you think of your parents?

Two princes - Spin doctors


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt?




What do you think about very often?

Bebot - Black Eyed peas


Wow. I think in spanish!



What is 2+2?

Trumpets - flipsyde


I'm sure we just haven't understood the question properly. The mice will know..



What do you think of your best friend?

Flying - Beatles


Knowing my best friends, I'm sure!!!!! ;-P



What do you think of the person you like?

In your eyes - Kylie Minogue


Ah well.. * turns red *



What is your life story?

Losing grip - Avril Lavigne


This player is psychic!



What do you want to be when you grow up?

(I won't) do this anymore - Nickleback


Do what? Grow up? I guess not..



What do you think when you see the person you like?

Hey mama - Black Eyed Peas


Hee hee.. "So come on mama, dance to the drama"



What do your parents think of you?

Walnut tree - Keane


That's.. er.. nice.. - I think.



What will you dance to at your wedding?

Crash and Burn - savage Garden


I wonder how?



What will they play at your funeral?

Poprocks and Coke - Greenday


Right. That's it. I'm leaving everything to charity! Hmph!




What is your hobby/interest?

Happy Birthday - Flipsyde


Maybe that's a sign.. Maybe someone up there is trying to tell me to give up physics and take up event management. Maybe..



What is your biggest secret?

Basketcase - Green day


"I think I'm cracking up.."




What do you think of your friends?

Lust like a woman - Bob Dylan


I really do think that. Esp about the guys! :-)



What should you post this as?

Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus


Ummm.. okay.. I will.



This was actually loads of fun!! You guys should try it too. I tag everyone who's commented on my blog!

Juno

I have no idea why I decided to watch the movie when I was bored and depressed after having screwed up my viva, but I'm glad I did! It really did cheer me up.

The story is about a 16 year old girl, Juno(named after the Greek goddess), who gets pregnant but decides not to get it aborted and gives it up for adoption instead. Period.

The best part of the movie is how light a serious subject is treated. Though, I think, a few parts are a little unrealistic. For example, the parent's reaction when she tells them. I can't imagine any parent taking it so well!

The movie, of course, has a happy ending. Juno seems to have no trouble at all coming back to her normal life (!!!!!) and playing in a band. Her acting, I must say, was terrific. Clueless, very teenagey and yet mature.

But my favorite part of the movie - apart from the lingo (it's the kinda stuff you can listen to for days) - is the background score. Good stuff. If anyone knows where I can get the soundtracks, please let me know. It's not avaiable on the LAN.

Definately a movie I would recommend.

Shades of Grey

My house is being painted in my absence, and my tasteless father came up with the brilliant idea of painting it grey and white.

Not that it looks bad, but isn't every other building in the city painted grey? My dad begs to disagree and says that every other building in the city is painted yellow - the color I wanted. Somehow that didn't make sense, so the next time I travelled the 12+2 kms from home to college, I started counting. And guess what? There were more yellow buildings than grey! Shades of yellow.. Bright, sunny - the colour that cheers you up just looking at it.. Deep, orange - makes me hungry for some reason.. Lemon yellow - intellectual (?) (Don't ask me why - you just relate different emotions to each colour and that's how I feel), and some people had painted heir house a shade of yellow which the mals, I'm sure, will brand as "pandi colours!"

Strange. But I don't blame them. Yellow has always been a colour which cheers me up. Green makes me feel at home, true.. But disaster resulted the last time we tried painting the house that (ever read Anne of Avonlea? The exact same thing happened!) So, I wanted yellow. But on account of how lazy I was to pick out the shades myself, my dad got his way, causing me to swear that I'll have it repainted the moment I get my first stipend! I talk too fast, sometimes.. Sigh..

But I'm deviating terribly from what I meant to say. The title, as you can imagine was a metaphorical one.

A person, one knows, is never black or white. But somehow we tend to classify them as if they are. Good people. Bad people. It's hard for us to accept that the good people might do bad things and vice versa. It goes against the ordering in our minds. And sometimes confuses us. Good people always do good things. So, if a good person does a bad thing, the bad thing becomes good, no? Of course. It's easier to say that, than to accept the fact that there is no 'hero' and 'villain'. Just people. Regular people, who lie, cheat, help the old lady cross the road, give some money to the poor, back stab their friend, buy their daughter a doll, copy in the exam, walk 3 miles on a hot day to help a friend out, do marijuana, turn down the a.c to conserve electricity, all in one day and one breadth.

Though we see this around us all the time, it's hard for us to accept that it could be so. Every movie has taught us it is not. There is a good guy who does the good things and a bad guy who does bad things. God forbid the bad guy from giving alms to the poor. If he does, he's only showing the world that he's got a lot of power!

And mentally, we like to classify things. We like to say 'this is right and this, wrong' and stick to it. It takes too much effort to think in every situation and a decision accordingly.

And it's not just with people that we are so. Reasons, excuses.. There is no one explanation for not turning up at a party, for liking a certain hobby, for disliking a certain person, for not wanting to go somewhere, for breaking up with someone, for wanting to go a place, for coming late, for studying what you're studying right now. Yet, that is what we look for. A clear reason, an answer: "I had an exam", "It stimulates me intellectually", "I'm running a fever", "she doesn't love you anymore", "I like the food there", "Traffic!", "I read this book by so-and-so which got me hooked to this".. Excuse and reasons - standard ones which we use. Black and white. Simple. Will convince anyone. And save us a lot of trouble.

I'm not gonna ask you to stop giving such reasons and excuses. I'm gonna tell you not to. No one will understand the truth - no one understands shades of grey. They're hazy and depressing. They make no sense, and take too much time to decipher. And even when we do, they're just lines of black and white superimposed. Never a pure milky grey - creamy like the paint being applied to the window sills even as I type this.

It can't be done. Our mind likes to organize our thoughts. Fight against it, if you will, but remember, not many others will.

Just another day..

She enters the room, eyes glinting with anger and.. and something else - could you call it hatred?

Her friend asks her to "relax".

"How can I?", she yells back, even as she knew she soon would. She knew that the next day, not only would she relax, but she would even be comfortable with the thought; a thought which made her quiver with rage; a thought which made her want to choke him with her bare hands. She knew that within a mere 24 hours, she would've gotten used to it.. Grudgingly, she would've accepted it as a part of the unfairness of life.

"Which him?", her friend asks her.

Which him, indeed!

Suddenly she realises (strange, how the thought hadn't occurred to her before) that all her current trouble could be attributed to guys!
The one who denied her her constitutional right to freedom of speech; the one who rejected her proposal because he didn't want to lose power; the one who threatened to destroy her world because she reported the truth like it was; the one who reduced her friend to tears everyday - they were all men!

"Is this what they call sexual discrimination?", she wonders aloud.

Oh, there were guys being affected by it as well.. but somehow she couldn't help feeling that she felt the impact more! maybe because she couldn't help believing the best of everyone - she couldn't help trusting..

"Don't worry about it", her friend tells her, "another year or so, and you needn't have anything to do with them ever again!"

She nods her head, though deep down she doesn't agree. She doesn't like what happened to her. She doesn't like the idea of being suppressed by people just because they feel threatened. She doesn't like being told what to do, what to write, what to say.. She wants to fight it, but doesn't know how! She thinks it's unfair, but sees no solution. She feels helpless.

She knows, deep down, that these people need to be taught to be fair. Yet, she nods her head. She knows she won't do the "teaching".

"I don't have the time", she tells herself.
After all, there are assignments to be submitted, tests to be written, records to be drawn, projects to be done..

She sighs..

She knows by next week all this will be forgotten and they - the people who inflicted all this pain - will be forgiven. Forgiven without heir their knowledge for something they did not know they did! Free to continue doing what they've been doing all along - making people's lives miserable, if only for a day!

Creationalism

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaithMatters/Story?id=4467337&page=1

Hee hee..

These guys will do anything to remain in the cozy shell. Reminds me of the matrix.

Mental note: Post on cozy shell and matrix.

P.S: I hope that this doesn't, in any way, hurt the sentiments of the creationalists(right!). It's just that as a scientist, i find it slightly on the amusing side..

Gimme red!

Ask any girl - any Indian girl, I mean.. She'll tell you about the magic that is mehendi (a.k.a maridani).

You usually get it done before a big event - a wedding, birthday, diwali, maybe.. even a cousin's engagement is excuse enough. Or during the holidays when you're jobless and have nothing better to do..

If you are lucky, you get to watch as the leaves are grounded and made into a nice paste (don't add too much water - it'll run; not too less, either - it won't flow; add a little lemon - it'll make your hand redder) and made into cute cones with the bottoms cut.

You watch as your mom/sister/neighbour/friend races patterns on your palm. The paste feels cool against your skin. You tell then to change the pattern here(you don't like mangoes), you ask them to draw some leaves just here.. But in the end it doesn't matter, because the design is so intricate that you find it hard to make out the original pattern..

You strech your hand out for an hour - two hours. You can't hold anything - can't read a book - can't use the mouse - cant study(!!!!:-)) - can't eat.. So you sit and watch tv. Or sleep - unless of course, your mom is very particular about mehendi stains on the covers.

Once every half an hour, you squeeze lemon over your palm to stop it from drying too fast, but it dries anyway and little pieces of the mehendi fall off and you try to peek at it from the sides to see how red it has become. You imagine it becoming really red and you picture you showing it off to all your friends who will "ooh" and "aah" over it. You wonder if it'll go with the dress you're gonna wear the next day (No jeans and tee for a week! Stick to the indian wear!)

Finally, it's time to take it off. You, of course, aren't supposed to use water. You scrub it off, dirtying the floor, but who cares! Your hand now has pretty red patterns on it!

Of course, you find it hard to eat for the rest of the week considering the smell takes off the flavour of anything your bring near the nose, but that's a small price to pay!

Lost in translation

I was really looking forward to watching this movie. Epecially since about 10 people kept urging me to. Which is why I reserved it for a thursday before a 3 day weekend. But at the end of the movie, my only reaction was "huh?"!

The movie didn't (and continues not to) make any sense. I didn't get the point the director was trying to make. If he was trying to make a point, that is.. I don't think it was "another episode in so and so's life" kind of a movie, either. It wasn't a depiction of life in Tokyo, either. Nor was it about forbidden love affair. It wasn't even a honest combination of the above!

The story's about a famous american actor, Bob Marley who goes to Tokyo to advertise a drink. He's also facing mid-life crises and part of the reason he comes here is because he wants to get away from home. He finds himself utterly bored in this new city where noone speaks his language. He shoots for the commercial in the mornings and hangs out in a bar all evening. That's where he meets Charlotte, a young american girl who's married (for 2 years) and is in Tokyo with her husband who is here on some project. She is really depressed. I never did understand the reason. Her husband leaves to another town for a few days and she gets friendly with Bob. The rest of the story is about how they manage to enjoy themselves in a city they both have come to hate.

But it didn't make any sense. Everyone hates a new city when they go there for the first time. Then you make friends and start loving it. Was this the point? Well, then it wasn't potrayed well. Especially since towards the end he doesn't love the city, but her. Yet he leaves the place and goes away. Not in a heroic way, either..

Another thing which sruck me about the movie was the way Charlotte's husband loves her. He's all over her and is stuck on her completely even though they've been married two years. Whcih guy does that, tell me?

Why am i obsessing over this movie? Because, i was told, by many, that it's a really great movie.. Yet, I can't see where the greatness lies.

Maybe I just don't understand movies.

Sigh..

On Spica the star

I did a wiki on Spica.. and this is what they had to say:

Spica (pronounced /ˈspaɪkə/) (also known as α Vir / α Virginis / Alpha Virginis) is the brightest star in the constellation Virgo, and the 15th brightest star in the nighttime sky. It is 260 light years distant from Earth. A blue giant, it is a variable of the Beta Cephei type.

So first of all, let me start off by apologising to those to whom i had given the wrong pronunciation, though if you ask me, I liked the old pronunciation much better.

Secondly, for the sake of those who still do not know, what I'm talking about, let me take you through the usual routine.

See, my name is Chitra. It means "picture" in Sanskrit. It is also a name of a star which is usually seen during April. The rest of the world calls the star "Spica". Hence, the title of the blog.

But there is more to it, as i recently discovered. Spica, wiki tells me, is a binary star. Which means, what we perceive as one star is in fact two stars.

Hmmm.. I wonder if my parents were psychic when they christened me!

Ouch.. that hurts!

You know when you lose a friend?

It is not when they move to another country.. It is not when they die.. It is not when you've lost their number.. It is not when you haven't spoken to them in many years.. It is not when parents or circumstances forbid you from speaking to them.. It is not even when you betray them or they betray you!

It is when you call them up and talk to them for a while and into your head pops a host of things which you would've confided in them in the ages past, but you dismiss them now with a wave of hand as unsuitable conversation and talk about the weather instead!

:-)

You replace live journal with blogspot and you get what I mean..

The ultimate plunge!

Last night we had a panel discussion on the increasing number of suicides in IIT. Frankly, i am not so suprised that there are so many. Not to soun cruel, but what is suprising is that there are not many more!

Consider a typical IIT student. All his/her life, (s)he has been at the top of the class. Probably first in school, with a NCERT schol. and an olympiad medal thrown in for good measure. Then the kid manages to crack the JEE/JAM/GATE. (S)he becomes an instant celebrity. They're paraded around town by their parents who are feeling indulgent and would sanction any wish (s)he has. (S)he is utterly pamered until it's time for him or her to leave for the insti.

Once here, the ragging - although mild now - starts. They find that all of a sudden, they aren't top of the class anymore and they are (horror of horrors) an average student!!They're still considered the best by their parents who believe they're doing great, but only they know the real truth. A feeling of guilt sweeps in. Not being at home anymore, they have no one to talk to.. Most of their friends are locked up in their own room watch pirated movies downloaded from the LAN. Of course, there's the Guidance and Counselling Unit (pop. known as GCU), but that's not a big help. How many people are willing to go talk to an utter stranger? Thus they becomes more and more depressed, friendless. Meanwhile, their parents and others at home continue to think that they're the best. They know better than that. Rather, they think they know better than that. The guilt intensifies and finally.. well, they decide to "end it all"!

The professors aren't much help, honestly. Some are brilliant and approachable but you also have a few who'll call a spade a spade, and don't mind telling you to your face that they think you're useless! Obviously you're not, but acc. to them, not being able to solve a gamma function is useless!

And the whole concept of relative grading does nothing to aleviate the situation!! But more on that later..

Last night during the panel discussion a person in the audiance asked the guy from suicide prevention society, a question on inferiority complex. That guy replyed saying "it's strange to hear the words 'inferiority complex' inside IIT, but we're all human beings, aren't we?". But if you ask me, there's more IC floating around in this 420 acres than anywhere else in the city.. Oh, don't get me wrong. All IITians think they're the best, la creme de la creme and all that jazz.. But only in comparision with the rest of the world. Inside IIT, there's always someone better than you at something. Most of the time, most people are better than you at most things. And since you think you're better than the rest of the world, you care more than the rest of the world does. The rest of the world don't have any false notions about their ability. They are honest to themselves about how good/bad they are. They don't have any false pride. But since the IITian does, (s)he cares much more about the fact that (s)he's not good at something. And as one can't be good at everything, everyone here has an inferiority complex w.r.t something and a very intense one at that!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Closure is a strong word, but I suspected that that's what I needed.. I had hoped that my convocation will give me that, and I guess in a way it did.

For many months now - since July, 2007, to be precise - I have been looking back on my life in MCC with a sigh. Nostalgically.. Wishing with all my heart that I was back there. Everytime, I go there, I'll make a note and start counting down to the day when I'll go there again. This time, though, I left not knowing when I'll go back again, and guess what? I'm perfectly fine with that thought.

I guess what it really required was wrapping up the personal ties - realising a few truths, restarting some old friendships, rekindling the ones which are dying out, and letting a few die for the sake of friendship itself. What it took was a look at what is popularly known as the "big picture" and realising that fights, elections, tears, love and friendship was all just a part of college life. A three year drama - a masala movie with every spice in it - equally proportioned.

With that para, my post stopped making sense, so let me recap for the sake of those who are still reading and more than that for my own sake.. As i said, i need to press "publish post" before it ends.

June 16th, 2004(I do have an uncany memory for dates), I step in to the portals of MCC big eyed and full of wonder. There are all those people on stage who we're told are "gen. sec." and "chairman" and "convenors". Little do I know how I'll come to lose all respect for those post. The post, mind you, not the people. I still remember the first three days - the first day was the campus walk (I still can't, for the life of me, remember where they took us that day!). College ended at 12. The second day was dept orientation - college ended at 10.30. The third day was class orientation, college ended at 9.30. "This is too much", I remember complaining to Soumya.

The rest of the semester is just a haze.. I remember Nirupa, the triangle, Nirupa leaving, Subhashini's birthday party(the day she told us she was leaving), my first crushes in college, and my very first deep-dark-carry-to-the-grave secret(s). Oh yes, and of course the Goa trip.. But that's a post of it's own..

The second semester was even hazier.. Let me see.. The hall days (for some reason, I remember those!), Amandeep's arrival and all the guys going nuts, the girl gang, Yi and the drama club - which never really started, but yet led to other things which will not be mentioned in this post except to state that that is all I remember of the third and fourth semesters.. Well, almost all..

Third semester was also when the "cafe gang" was closest. Something happened in the 3rd sem which caused it to start breaking up.. I never figured what. I remember my and Sai's suprise parties, the trip to coorg and french classes.

Fourth semester: More hall days (wait, I think I went for only one that year).. Oh, yes and the elections. That is something I'll never forget - the year I came face up with hardcore politics and realised that there are things in this world I will never understand. The semester I lost all respect for the politician in a (wo)man - cause that's the worst in a person coming out - it's all about the self. The semester, when, suprisingly, my respect for Naren tripled - no, quadrupled and my respect for every other person involved fell into an abyss. The deeds were mended and made up for in other ways,but the respect never returned and I don't think it ever will.

Fifth semester: I was in depression. End of story. Oh, yes, depressed Nanital trip. And of course, Woodstock comes into existance (ta-da!).

Sixth semester: I stop hanging out with my batchmates because I had something to tell them which i didn't want to tell them and they kinda guessed it and i knew they had guessed it, so basically, It Was A Mess. Sixth semester was also Deepwoods 2006 third day and the week that followed. Sixth semester was also the time when life in MCC got really good. Almost as good as my first month there. Note how I said, almost. Not quite, 'cause I had JAM hanging over my head, but otherwise.. I made the kinda friends I had given up all hope of finding in MCC - I found people who I was proud to say I knew. For once, I didn't care about what the world thought and I became really close with my classmates. That was when I started loving my train rides. That was when I, for the first time in my life, did exactly what I wanted to. And realised, that that's all it took to be happy. Not happy happy. Just happy.

Yup, apart from the first one month, the sixth semester was the best of them all. Which is why, I found it so damn hard to get over the place. Which is why I needed a closure. I called up a few friends and cleared things out. I came to terms with the fact that some people just will not change. I accepted that a few of them make new "aquaitances" and I realise why they need to - silly, though the reason be. They're still my friends inspite of their silliness and that's what matters.

But most important of all, on my convocation day, I tried to reconnect with the whole lot of them and I realised that, save a hand picked few (the ones I can see have - and will continue to - survive the test of time) I couldn't relate to anyone else.

I had moved on.

I now know what I really got out of my 3 years - courage, freedom, a sense of independance, open-mindedness (I'll put important marks here, only my keyboard doesn't support it) and about 10 friends.

I need no more.

And so, as the title says "Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish!" :-)

Everywhere

In layman terms, according to quantum mechanics, ever electron/proton/neutron in your body is delocalised all over the universe. So essentialy, I'm everywhere.. In Paris, Venice, Spain, North Pole, the Sun, the andromeda galaxy.. everywhere.. Omnipresent.

So, if I every miss another wedding/birthday party/baptism/engagement/etc.. Just remember, I was there! Or a part of me, at any rate..

Summer's here...

You know summer's here when:
~you cannot stay in a room without a fan for more than 5 secs.
~you are once again thinking of chopping your hair short!
~the only thought running through your mind is "bath.. bath.. bath.."
~you kick away your bedsheets in the night!
~you don't care if the monkeys come in, you keep the window open anyway..
~you look at your full sleeved dress and you wonder what made you buy them!
~your face starts resembling as oil field!
~you drink more water than the food you take in!
~blue skies no longer make you happy!
~for the first time, you don't care that the solar water heater has conked!

Chennai - it's beaches and the elite.

Okay, I'm supposed to be typing out a project proposal.. (Ranj is gonna kill me when she comes back!) But that being the most boring thing in the world, I decided to blog. Honestly, writing a project proposal out of thin air is real hard work! Ask anyone - they'll tell you.

Anyway, we went to the beach last saturday.. The whole damn class. The HoD took u, believe it on not. We met at the GC and cylced all the way out, went towards Anna Univ and took a U, cycled up the flyover and down - the down part was way way fun. And it was super-ool to cycle as a big gang. Imagine 30 people cycling down the road together! You'd stare, right? Aarti fell down while coming down the flyover, hit herself against the railing and stubbed her toe. But that didn't stop her from fooling around in the water for an hour and a half like the rest of us!!!

Initially we were told that we can wet our feet. Max. But of course the guys went 50 mts into the water and we girls went about 10.. Fun stuff. We were soaked to the skin.

Missed the sunrise though, thanks to the clouds. Of course half the gang missed it because they were looking in the opposite direction waiting for Aarti and her convoy.. A bunch of guys who strived to "not let her die", as she put it! ;-)

Now being the bunch we are, we didn't stop with one accident. We also managed to lose our cycle key in the sea, causeing us to approach the HoD and requesting him to break the lock!! He said he didn't know how to himself, so hired a guy there to do it. Quantum Mechanics isn't everything, I guess!

Anyway, around 9 o clock, we packed, went to Murugan Idly store where the said HoD treated all of us. We had coffe which tasted out of the world - the idly and vada were okay, but the rest of the gang - who've never tasted proper idly before loved it!!

We cycled back - me leading the way - as if I knew everything about adayar! Adayar!!! i must've been there twice in my entire life before IIT!!! Sheesh! Of course, if I said I didn't know, there'll be cries of "local girl!".. What one has to put up with these days..

But you know what reaally gets me mad? When someone curses this city of mine! Which my friends constantly do. I mean, they have absolutely no right to speak! The don't even know the city! They're in their snug campus full of deers and monkeys and they have no idea what's there in the rest of the city!! Like this guy who said "ha, why would i go out to a restaurant? you only get idly and vada anyway!" WTF?? I have NEVER - never eaten idly in a chennai restaurant before last saturday (except palimar, but that is purely due to hunger striking when I'm finacially low, so it doesn't count!). At least some of them are willing to take an initiative to get to know the city.. The rest just sit and crib and crib and crib.

That is why I still love and terribly all those irresponsible, happy-go-luck, MCCians. all of them were like that and most of them were not localites. But fact is, every single one of them gave this city a chance and every single one of them fell in love with it. And from what i've seen, anyone who's lived here for 3 years agrees when I say "it's home"..

Friendship - What's that?

I hate it when people say stuff like "my friends are the most important things in my life"! (things?) Maybe it's the J factor, 'coz i never felt that way about any friend. I don't think I can point at any of my friends and say "He/she knows me completely". Actually i can't even say "He she knows me" about most of my best friends, but you see, they still remain my 'best friends'.

Maybe I just define friendship in a whole different way. For me, friends aren't people you go to when you feel like crying (I go into my room and lock my door if i feel like a good cry). They aren't people who i confide my deepest secrets in (in that case, i have no friends!) Friends aren't even people who make you feel better, cause different people make you feel better at different times and the same person who cheered you up last semester can make you feel down in the dumps with the help of just one conversation!!

My Dad tells me I have too many friends.. Maybe I do.. What with school, college, insti, summer projects, neighbours.. one can't help having a lot of friends! But the point is that I'm equally close with a lot of people, thus leaving my really close with noone. And I like it that a way.

I like to organise things in my head.. Friends, wether they aprove of it or not, get classified - school, summer, home, camps, college, inisti, neighbours, good, close, best, kindred, etc.. But none of these groups are mutually exclusive. People keep jumping back and forth that I wonder if it's even worth it. And at the end of the day, I'm just plain confused and end up writing incoherent articles like this!!!!

A year ago, I sent this message to 8 of my school friends:
"Prashant asked me what connects my school friends.. What the bond is.. This is what I said: My friends and I, I don't really know.. But there is something, cause even in school we always knew that someone else didn't "belong".. Maybe it's that we like doing the same thing..Hanging out in the same places, shopping for similar things.. We like talking talking about the same subjects.. Give importance to the same things.. like studies always comes first.. But only during exams.. Otherwise no studying business! Just party.. We all talk sense, think straight, do not exaggerate or lie to impress, and are responsible.. yeah, I guess it's a combination of all this. Most importantly, we give each other space and yet go back knowing that there is a friend out there! You know, a feeling which I KNOW will last forever.."
These are the replies i got:
Deena, Divvya, Madhu and Suganya: "Who's prashant?"
Anisha: "Dude, are you okay?"
Soumya: "huh? gal.. why suddenly?"
The other two didn't even bother replying!!!!
But many months later, we had all met up in barista and the topic of that message came up and I found that they had all saved that message.. Is that what it's all about??

5 things i can't live without

Of all the things they ask in your orkut profile, i think this is the most ridiculous! The obvious answer being oxygen, food, water, etc.. But I've read that so many times that i conclude anybody who has that written as "bo-ring". I'd rather they leave the field empty..
The next obvious thing they write are "mom, dad, siblings, dog(?), friends, girl/boy-friend.." Yeah, sure kiddo, your mom and dad and siblings and well, dog mean a lot to you, and sure you'll be heart-broken if anything were to happen to them, but it's not like you can't live without them, is it? I'm sure you've lived away during your hostel days/school, college trips, etc.. And as for friends, i think it's high time they realise that 40 years from now, it's highly unlikely that they'll still be in touch with their friends.. And as for the boy/girl-friend, well, actually, i won't say anything there and merely give one of my "looks".

So why am i being such a hypocrite, you ask, when i have filled in my tab with 5 things i supposedly can't live without.. Well, I've written "laughter, coffee, something to hug, books, a phone".. My dad, thanks to not-too-pleasant expirences regd. the phone bill for the last 8 years or so will say that the last at any rate is true.. But i don't think so.. If you take away my phone, i'll be miserable, sure, but i think it's highly improbable that i'll be broken-hearted and die.. Ditto coffee and books and "something to hug". But laughter? If there was no laughter, I don't think life will be worth living. I am as good as dead without it. But that's one. And honestly, i can't think of anything else "i can't live without".

They should change it to "5 things without which you'll be miserable". Makes more sense. Else i guess, the answer is the same for everyone: Oxygen, food, water, a working heart and brain.. And of course laughter.

On Crying

Well, I'd like to dedicate this post to a certain person (and no, it's not who you think it is), but i shall refrain.

I think I was in the 5th standard when I saw Anisha trying not to cry. She had just been told off for some reason or the other, and I remember she standing over her lunch bag, looking up at the ceiling 'furiously blinking back the tears'. I guess it was then that i first got an inkling that maybe it wasn't so cool to cry. Over the years, a general annoyance towards people who cry too easily deepened that idea.

As I grew up, i tried my best not to cry in a hurry. Not in public at any rate. Well, maybe an occasional movie or two, but in general, the tears were reserved for the dead of the night and my teddy bear. Which is why, the fact that I cried a year ago made big news and invited a lot of unpleasant comments.

To be honest, i was ashamed of myself. My friends, of course, hugged me, and consoled me and did the usual 'come on da, don't take such things seriously'. Which was very sweet of them. But I guess what i really needed was the 'oh, it's okay to cry.. proves you're human after all'. You see, after having spent 18 years beleiving that it's wrong to let your feelings be known in public, i had done the unthinkable! I had actually cried. So what i needed was to be told that it's okay to cry.

Another thing which puzzles me is how guys are so eager to accuse girls of using 'tears as a weapon'. Is it because they feel guilty in some way? In that case, they shouldn't. I guess there are girls who do use tears as a weapon. But ultimately, girls(or even guys) cry because they feel helpless. They've reached a point where they don't know what to do. They feel helpless but they have to do something to let out their anger/frustration/sorrow/joy so they cry.

That does explain why one who cries is frowed upon and considered weak. For isn't it weak to feel helpless? Isn't it weak to give up and say 'there is nothing more i can do'? But isn't it also inhumane to never feel so?

Kids these days..

My 9 year old cousin has come down for a visit. In passing, she happened to mention that she writes poems. A few of them are pretty amazing. A couple of phrases she uses are ones i'm sure i didn't know when i was her age! Anyway, i've put them up her.. Check it out..

Green

Green is the joy of nature
Green is the whistling of grass
Green is nice bright happiness
Green is the surprise of breaking glass
Green is a cucumber, smooth and soft
Green is fresh apples sitting in the loft
Green is vines swinging to and fro
Green makes me happy like a frolicking doe
Green is the joy of nature


The next is a limerick:

Red

Terrible, terrible red,
A battlefield with bloodshed
I hear a loud rumble
Of a castle going to crumble
So I ran home to my bed




A haiku:

Blue

Deep loyal and dark
As beautiful as a lark
Sea with a giant shark




A couplet:

Purple

Purple, purple magical and deep
Eggplant that’s good to eat

Purple is the sister of pink
They have a very close link

Purple is the sign of love
As lovely as a white dove



5 W’s

Who? The green grass
What? Whistles quietly
When? In the afternoon
Where? At the meadow
Why? Because of the wind



The next one is my favorite. This is one of her 'deep' poems...

Life

Life goes spinning at a pace
Life goes spinning in your face
Life goes spinning round and round
Until you fly and never touch the ground

Pretend you’re a fledgling learning to fly
Upto a point that’s high
If you miss a flap or two
You’ll fall down and that isn’t cool

Pretend you’re building a bridge
With a tall pointed ridge
If you miss a brick or so
It’ll fall down and you’ll have a row

Life goes spinning at a pace
Life goes spinning in your face
Life goes spinning round and round
Until you fly and never touch the ground



Okay, the next one she wrote in a matter of 10 mins. Pretty good for a 9 year old, no?

Morning

The flowers are opening their petals
The sun is rising on a new day
The dew drops are splashing on the grass
I could shout hooray

Hooray, hooray it’s morning
A few flowers are opening last
Hooray, hooray it’s morning
I can see a mast



Lol.. The next one she started it when she was 6 or something.. She completed it just before coming. But phrases like "in a thrice", who uses that??

India

I like India a lot
Even though it’s hot

I have family there
I know they care

India is very nice
I’ll be there in a trice

The first

First day, first impression, first friends… They somehow don’t last too long. The only reason I’m even writing this is because Pramod insisted that I do. So here goes..

I’ve been to IIT-M loads of times before. The first, I remember was during my 10th std. I had gone with my Dad to pick up Vineeta. It was two days before a maths exam. As we drove trough, I was looking out for the deers. I thought the campus was very pretty (who doesn’t!!). My Dad pointed out the library hoping that I’ll get inspired by it! I probably just nodded and thought “how boring.. they probably don’t have books without pictures and conversations anyway”.

I’ve been there many times after that too – for Saarang, for numerous entrance exams conducted there, to meet a few professors there, etc.. But going there knowing that you’re gonna live there for the next two years and that everyone around you is your new college mate – that’s quite a different feeling!

We drove up with my mattress, bucket and bags packed into the back. Not a long drive – from Anna University to IIT. I looked into the trees as we drove down the Delhi avenue. (IIT-M was started as a collaboration between India and Germany. So, out of the two roads leading from the main gate to the Gajendra circle (the statue with the fountain and two elephants!) one is named Bonn avenue (the then capital city of Germany) and the other is named Delhi avenue (Delhi is the capital of India!)).

My dad gave me all this information as we drove in. We passed the rather crowded campus, lost our way twice and landed in the registration place 5 mins late. After registering, we went and bought a couple of locks and odomos (which turned out to be a waste since I haven’t seen a single mosquito in my 4 days there!).

Well, I was mainly sad that my holidays were now over! No more waking up at 11 in the morning, no more hogging chocolates, no more jobless golden days!!
And a LOT of apprehension – What if I didn’t make any new friends??!! What if they were all from the same college and knew each other previously and ignored me completely?! What if my MCC friends and my school friends meanwhile got too busy with their own lives and started ignoring me too?? What if my next two years are miserable beyond belief?? What if I’m bottom of my class??

The car pulled up in front of my hostel – Sharavati (the hostels there are names of rivers and the messes are names of mountain ranges!). We paid them the hostel fees and walked up with the luggage to my room.

My room – this deserves a whole para to itself! It’s a single room. Pretty spacious. One bed, one table, one chair, a big cupboard with top luggage shelves et al., a book rack and one of those mirrors which opens up and has compartments inside where you keep toothpastes/cosmetics/medicine/face wash. One tube light, one night lamp and a ceiling fan. Two windows - one through which you can see tidal park and another glazed one opening to the corridor.
But all this is the tame bit! What is spectacular about my room are the decorations on the walls! There are about twenty hand prints in different colours adorning the wall with names scribbled beside it and stupid senseless phrases written all over! It’s crazy!! And well, ugly. The handprints by themselves would’ve looked pretty, but the phrases alongside make them look uncouth! The place is a mess!
“Oh shit!”, “I thought, as I accompanied my dad back to the car, “what am I gonna do? Maybe I can paint it”.

Preoccupied, I hardly noticed my dad pulling out. Not tat it matters… home was a 47A away. Or a phone call to dad or Naren or Divvya away.

I walked back. The floor was empty. Not a good sign. I walked into my room to unpack. I messaged someone – I forgot who. Then I unpacked a bit. I tried cleaning my room and ended up making it twice as messy, and crashed into the bed!! Finally, I heard some noises outside – I found two of my classmates had moved in, borrowed a broom from one and newspaper from the other and continued making the room messier!

Finally, at 8 we went down for dinner. My first taste of IIT mess food – chapatti, rajma kurma, rice, sambar, salad, kelangu, buttermilk and banana! I actually liked it! I guess the IISc C mess had really taught me to appreciate food!!!

I came back and crashed.

That was my first day at IIT Madras.