And once again - goodbye!

The following is an excerpt from a mail I meant to send a year ago(31/5/07 to be exact), but never did! I found it in the drafts today, while looking for something else, and I just thought I'll put it in. It describes a feeling I was to experience many times over in the following year:


You know that feeling you get when you see a friend off? You see her getting into the bus and take up a seat. She looks out at you from the window and smiles and waves. You smile back and keep waving till the bus turns around the corner. Then you turn around and start walking. The road suddenly looks both beautiful and empty. You have a smile on your face but you feel lonely.. Why am i typing this? Because i just saw Madhu off on her JNC shuttle and I wanted to get the feeling while it still was there. Sure there's another shuttle I can catch in another two hours but life - my work would've caught up with me by then. I would no longer want to get into the bus.. I'll meet her, maybe, this weekend, but the moment would be long gone. But, years later when I look back and ponder upon what our friendship was all about, it is this moment that i will think of. It is that feeling - a sudden loss of safety, a sense of loneliness - that I will remember.

And now, a year later, I've done that over and over again. Endless times. Now-a-days, it's with a "I dunno when I'll see you next, so I'll see you when I'll see you" - to close/best friends from school going abroad, to cousins leaving to different places, to classmates from college who work in different parts of the world, to friends I met during the summer during my internship... the list is endless!

There is no escape of course - the goodbyes must be said, the hugs must be given and you must watch them as they turn and disappear out of sight - perhaps forever!

For Thine is the Kingdom

God - Possibly the most discussed topic ever. No, that would be food (three times a day per person min.). Well, alright, the second most discussed topic ever..

The fact that I'm an atheist has invited it's share of shocked expressions as I grew up. I still remember our valedictory lunch when all of us were sitting around a table in Mainland China - dressed in our saris and feeling all grown up - when Rabia suddenly remarked "Oh, but Chitra doesn't believe in God!".
"What?" - A general cry and shocked expressions all around followed by a discussion on God and Religion where everyone else agreed that 'God invented man but man invented religion'(quite profound for a 16 yr old, come to think of it).

That being the first time I had openly admitted to being an atheist, it was also the first time I had to put up with such a reaction. Also I came from a very Christiany Christian school - you know, prayers 4 times a day, teacher making fun of Durga's multiple hands during a history lesson, Darwin bashing during a bio lesson, scripture verses competitions, no bangles/bindi, plain sari for the valedictory(though, I have to admit, that looks very pretty), arguments on the big bang theory, the choir singing only religious songs - heck! the rock band played only religious songs!, etc.. you get the picture.
At the end of it all, I was sick of the whole thing. Sick of having a religion being pushed upon me and having to defend my beliefs.

I was also a very confused kid as I grew up. I don't come from a particularly religious family. There was the usual temple visits every birthday and every summer and pray to God on religious holidays thing, but I wasn't brought up on stories of Hindu mythology(things I pester my classmates at IIT for now!) - my dad used to tell me stories of the wars and the rise and fall of civilisations and dynasties - facts, not fiction, mind you.

Maybe that was what got me interested in Science - it dealt with hardcore facts. You got to verify everything. In religion on the other hand, you gotta trust blindly - something which never appealed to me. It was tempting, mind you. I mean, imagine putting all your trust and troubles and burdens and duties on someone else and believing that it'll all be taken care of! I would give a lot to be able to do that, but I know I never can.

It, somehow, doesn't seem right!

When my sister and I had our little accident, my mom prayed to some temple somewhere down south and said she'll do an 'archanai' there if we get better. We did and now she wants to go. She thinks my dad and I were sniggering at her when she told us this, but we weren't. Well, I can't speak for him, but I, for one, have never been against anyone else's blind faith. Just because I like to lead a life where I believe I and I alone am responsible for everything I do, doesn't mean I expect everyone else to do the same! Which is why it irritates me when others come and try to convince me that there does exist a God. Why do they do that? If they can accept that Hindus believe in Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, the Muslims in Allah and the Christians in Jesus Christ, why can't they let me believe in none? Why is it impertinent that I believe in someone whoever he/she be?

Though I'm being a tad unfair in making the previous statement. People accept the other religions because of religious harmony but they don't stop trying to convince the others to accept their own. I can understand that. What I can't stand is when someone pushes their beliefs upon you. Like Mrs. Rajan in school who made fun of Kali when we were studying about Durga Pooja in Social studies (I was 8 and I wasn't pleased with what was happening - if I had been older, I guess I would've protested, but then again she wouldn't have made such a statement to a bunch of 16 year olds - which just makes me lose all respect for her, but that's besides the point..). Or that lady who came home and gave my mom, who politely asked her what she did, a nice long lecture on how Christianity is the best and my mom should come for some meeting somewhere (I couldn't control my laughter and walked out of the room soon enough), or my aunt(who I love a lot and would die for her and so shouldn't put her name along with the others, but, hey, it's just an example) who tries to convince me to attend 'Art of living classes' - something, Chicken Little will assure you I don't need, since acc. to her I can be happy in a jail - whatever that means!

Another thing which always struck me as strange was the way girls are usually either firm believers or atheist. They dislike being an 'agnostic' for a long time, while that seems the popular choice with guys!! Of course, I will discount the masses who claim they are an agnostic because "they believe in God - some God, no name, but a supreme power" (to such people, I would suggest that they please go look up the dictionary meaning of the word and not be ashamed of believing in a supreme power. Trust me, there's nothing 'cool' about being an agnostic or a atheist!).

There's another category of people - my favorite - the ones who believe in God thanks to Pascal's wager argument ! Smart people, they are.. but it does seem like cheating, doesn't it? And if there is a God who knows all and controls all, won't he know exactly what these people are getting at? Ah, well..

Whatever works for them!

The night before the wedding.

One evening Marilla, coming in from the orchard with a basket of apples, found Anne sitting along by the east window in the twilight, crying bitterly.

"Whatever's the matter now, Anne?" she asked.

"It's about Diana," sobbed Anne luxuriously. "I love Diana so, Marilla. I cannot ever live without her. But I know very well when we grow up that Diana will get married and go away and leave me. And oh, what shall I do? I hate her husband--I just hate him furiously. I've been imagining it all out--the wedding and everything--Diana dressed in snowy garments, with a veil, and looking as beautiful and regal as a queen; and me the bridesmaid, with a lovely dress too, and puffed sleeves, but with a breaking heart hid beneath my smiling face. And then bidding Diana goodbye-e-e--" Here Anne broke down entirely and wept with increasing bitterness.

- Anne(12) in Anne of Green Gables


"It's all pretty much as I used to imagine it long ago, when I wept over your inevitable marriage and our consequent parting," she laughed. "You are the bride of my dreams, Diana, with the `lovely misty veil'; and I am YOUR bridesmaid. But, alas! I haven't the puffed sleeves -- though these short lace ones are even prettier. Neither is my heart wholly breaking nor do I exactly hate Fred."

- Anne(21) in Anne of the Island

The narrative - Part 1

Here is a very brief (by my standards) report of my recent trip to Singapore. Popular demands et al..

Characters you will meet during the course of this narative:

1) Ranjini: (a.k.a assie) She's a classmate of mine. A total nutcase/genius/idiot/sweetheart - you get the picture. She denies the obvious very vehemently. Both of us travelled to and fro together. She can be fun when she's not scared of the little beetle on my head or a water tank or, i dunno.. the skyline!

2) Aquila: My soulmate ;-) Well, the only other girl in India to be doing a master's in physics, have a blog, 2 friends from col., go through a make-over, read the way books should be read, etc.. If you know any other, we'll be happy if you could let us know!

3)Sharmila: Aquila's classmate (they're from Pune university). A complete sweetheart. The only sensible and responsible person among the lot of us - hence she gets stuck with handling our finances, tickets and p.o.a wherever we go. Oh and she knows moonwalking! But that's a tale of it's own..

4) Tanya: A girl from Delhi. One of those who remind you not to go by first impressions. Sweet, cheerful, bubbling with life, confidant, etc.. - a typical Delhi girl! Except she's smart too!

5,6,7) Siddharth, Soumalya, Veeresh: Three guys from my class. I will say no more. Read on and form your own opinions :-)

8) Sandip: Aquila's classmate. Obbessed with photography. Has been known to take a minimum of 1000 photographs in one day. And no, I'm not exaggerating. Oh, Veeresh like taking photos too, but Sandip takes the cake.

9) Rakhi: A PhD student from IIT-M. Helped us settle in and gave us murruku everytime we visited her. :-)

10) Sharon, Minrui, Binni, Yilin, Zhi Han: People in my lab. But more about them as the tale proceeds.

11) Dr.Sow: My guide. (Yeah, I admit his name should've been first conventionally, but heck, you guys don't wanna hear about my work in the lab, do you??)



The story:

Ranjini and I arrive at the Changi airport and are picked up by my brother. I guess he convinced the taxi driver that he knows the town well, cause we had to pay barely $20, while my friends paid $35! Guess the autos in B'lore and the taxis there don't really differ much!

We reached Temashek hall (our home for 6 weeks) at 9 in the morning. We went to the chap who was incharge of giving us the keys(correction: transponder) to our rooms only to be told by this lady (maid? wife? daughter?) that he was still sleeping!! We insisted that he be woken up, and he came out all grumpy and grouchy (it was only later that we found out that that's how he normally looks; even when he's telling jokes about how there are two sesons in S'pore: hot and very hot (you can roll your eyes all you want - i was forced to laugh politely)). He gave us the transponder and explained how it works. I never did get why they had to use something like that! What's wrong with a normal key?? Esp since they made us pay 42$ if anything happened to it!

To be continued..

Wherever I roam..

Last night it rained hard in Chennai. A sudden burst of thunder followed by heavy rain which lasted for many hours. A strange occurence in itself. Many wondered why - it was so out of the blue. It seemed like a clear evening.

Not those who knew me of course! The city was in tears with happiness. The princess had returned to her kingdom! :-)

The streets were muddy. The roads - flooded. Even the new bridge over the Katipara junction had stagnated water all over it. It was 12 in the night and the traffic was still chaotic. We got splashed and sprayed as the call taxis and guys in their shining pulsars over-took us as they raced past, breaking a million traffic rules on their way. As i looked out, many people huddled close, holding a plastic sheet over their head. A thin old man, walked past us near nungambakkam, with a walking stick to hold him up and a towel to protect him from the lashing rain. A transformer sent out a shower of sparks before immering the area in darkness. We drove past old forgotten buildings, construction sites, half-broken walls, huts with the roofs letting through the water, buildings with the paint peeling off..

And i smiled to myself. I was home.

:-)

The Great Cross Country Walk

Before I begin, lemme give credit where credit is due and thank Roshan for this tres brilliante idea! "Thanks, dude!" :-)

Well, now that that's over... Yup, as the name suggests, I did a cross country walk. Literally. One end of Singapore to the other.

We measured out the shortest distance and figured 8 kms wasn't too far. Of course, we forgot that it was 8 kms as the crow flies.. and since we had also forgotten to use google map, we ended up walking nearly 12-13. We(alright, I!) forgot to set our alarm the previous night and woke up really late and after a late brunch, finally set out at 4.30. We hadn't also taken into account that the ride to our starting point will take us an hour and a half of travel by bus and metro. And another half an hour to find out starting point. This:



Originally, everyone was enthusiastic about joining us. But laziness gets to one soon. So finally, it was just me and Sharmila. And i guess the main reason she came was because we had told everyone in the lab that we were gonna go! Anyway, we started from pasir Ris park. The previous picture was taken from the end of Pasir Ris park. What you see up ahead is the sea. Here's proof that it was indeed the Pasir Ris park:



The park was one of the pleasant suprised during our walk. one of the prettiest places we've come across in S'pore, it's a place which we otherwise would've never visited. It was complete with a swamp, a bird-lookout, cycling lanes, people playing football, a maze and benches facing the sea.

Anyway, we started walking down Pasir Ris Drive 3 which went along the north coast, i.e, perpendicular to the direction in which we had to walk, but we had no choice thanks to the aforementioned failure to use google maps.

We finally rached Lovang avenue.Now the stupid map we carried showed only higways and expressways. One isnt allowed to walk on expressways, so we got completely lost and had to ask random people for directions to Simei avenue - our next destination. The thing about S'pore is, people here have no imagination. They pick one name for a locality and every place there is 'that name + a number'. Like you had Pasir Ris drive 1, 2,3,4, Pasir Ris street 1,2,3.. etc.. Similarly, we had Simei street 1-5, Simei road 1,2,3,4.. and finally a Simei Avenue not to mntion the Simei metro station. So of course, each person we asked showed us a different direction. They all of course very sweetly suggested that we take a cab/bus since it was too far to walk. We gave various reasons to various people for wanting to walk. The real explaination would've been too long an explaination in broken English.

Anyway, it was soon 8.15. We were tired and hungry and in desperate need of food. Oh, not to mention lost. we were down Simei 3rd street when we stumbled upon the metro. This was when thoughts of "we should just go back was crossing out minds". Finally Sharmila said, we'll eat something and then decide.

Do you have any idea how much of a difference food can make to you? Just one hotdog + one cup of coke? We set out again, determined this time, not to give up till 10.30. 10.30 we knew we had to rush to the nearest metro station cause otherwise we had no way of getting home. We walked down the 3rd street and reached Simei avenue! Ah, bliss.. here's the snap.



Anyway, after that we walked down to Upper Changi Road. short walk actually, but the walk down upper Changi road - not so short.




We were crossing a busstop and I asked Sharmila to take a look and see if a bus goes to the golf course - our final destination (Beyond the golf course was the sea) - but she stumbled upon a bus - bus no.10 which stops right behind out hostel.Talk about luck! Especially since we were halfway across town! We decided to come back and take that bus since the last bus was at 11.15. It gave us slightly more time. From that time onwards, everytime we passed a busstop we peeped in to see if there was a no.10 bus going from there.

We stupidly decided to take a detour through unknown territory - i dunno why - we just did and entered Beedox road. We came across an indian family and asked them for the way to the Golf Country club. They starred at us.
"At this time? Why?"
"Well, we need to get somewhere nearby.."
"But there's nothing nearby!!"
"Okay.. But could you tell us the direction, please?"
* More suspiciously * "Why?"
"Okay, how do we get to the metro station (this was another metro.. the map told us how to get from the metro to the golf club)?"
" You go straight and take a right. Take a bus.. it's too far"
"It's okay, we'll walk."
"But the busstop is right behind you. and the bus is approaching. Go take it go!"
"No really, we'll walk. Thanks a lot."
"okay.." * more suspicious looks *

Anyway, we walked. Reached the metro and were fumbling with the map when some random Malay guy offered to help us. He was very helpful alright, but sadly he sent us off in the exact opposite direction. We walked and we walked and we walked. No golf course. Finally, we asked two Chinese girls. They informed us of our grave mistake. We asked them what happens if we walk straight ahead. And they replied, " you reach a bunch of private residential appartments, beyond which is the sea". Yipeee!!!! We had reached the sea! Or, well, one can't go across the residential appartments, so we reached the East Coast Road! Good enough! Now please don't ask me why the road along the Southern coast is called the East Coast Road.. i told you the Singaporeans, although nice people, have no imagination!!

Anyway, here's the final pic! :-)




Anyway, now the problem was getting back. Both the Metro station as well as the last no.10 busstop we had seen were far away and we were feeling too tired. We were considering a cab, when sharmila said, "lets just walk down this road and see if we can see the sea (no jokes intended)". And guess what we found? A no.10 bus stop, no less. And a no.10 bus approaching it! We scrambled in and had one of the best rides back to the hall. Along the East Coast Road and a long one hour drive. Lovely.

Oh, we treated ourselves to sugar doughnuts as a reward!

Now I have a story i can tell my great-grand kids! :-P

Personal jinx!

Lately, I have a feeling that I'm cursed! Any IPL team I support seems to be losing! It started of course, with CSK. I admit it,it was me who was in the way of all their defeats! Took me long enough to realise what the problem was..

It started last saturday. CSK lost against RR. My status message was "Go CSK go!" And they promptly lost the match! There was a match after that - Mumbai indians vs Delhi Daredevils. I was told to "pray that Mumbai wins, cause if they do, CSk goes to the semis". So obviously, my status was "Go Mumbai!". Guess what? They lost the match too!

Coincidence? That's what I thought too, until there was a Mumbai vs RR match.

Jaipur needed 35 runs from 2 overs! Everyone assumed that Mumbai will sail to a finish, but sadly they didn't know that I had just joined the Mumbai cheering squad! Just to irritate a friend I said "Mumbai rocks. Go Mumbai Indians!". The next ball, jaipur hit a six and went on to win the match!!!

It finally dawned on me what I had to do! Switch loyalities! CSK vs Deccan Chargers. CSK's final chance to get into the semis. My status message: "Go Deccan". And guess what? It worked! CSK won! There was much celebration afterwards. Though my team (DC) lost, I was kind hearted enough to be happy for my friends... ;-)

Now I switch my loyalities again:

"Go Punjab! Go Delhi! Go Jaipur! Go Go Go!! Lets kick some CSK ass!!!"

:-)

A racey post!

Recently, Aquila accused "tams" of taking a lot of pride in their race. "Second in the line", she claims,"right after the bongs"! A statement which caught me completely off-guard! Do we really?? The fact is, this is the first such accusation I've faced in the past 21 years..

It all started off with me correcting the way she pronounced "Madras". It's Med(as in short for Medical)-raas. That's the way we pronounce it. Truth be told, I dunno if that's the right way of doing it, but that's the way the localites fondly refer to it as and that's what stays. She insists on "Ma(as in mother)-da-raas". I correct her and she says that's how they write it in Marati and then goes on to accuse me of acting like a bong! * Huh? *

Lemme clear a few things right now. It's not my race/language/culture I'm proud of. They're as good as any other (except maybe America). No better. No worse. But when it comes to my city, it's a whole new story.

Most people assume yhat the 45 degree temperature which forces everyone to flee and the obvious conservative and traditional lifestyle which the people there are so scared to come out of doesnt leave much to be proud of. And now, a cricket team which insists on losing all it's matches doesnt add much!

There is much more to the city than that, but i don't wanna get started on why I love my city again. I promise I'll dedicate a whole post to that when i come back. For now, lemme just state that I love that place and can bear no criticism of chennai or it's people. I mean, will you be quiet if you family is being criticised? :-)

Coming back to the accusation. Yes, if you accuse me of standing up for my city, I shall bow and admit that it is true. So shall every other fellow Chennaite I know. But we do not claim that tamil food is the best. Dosa's are alright, but we can survive on naan just as well. And yes, we crib and crib about not having the perfect filter kaapi, but it doesn't take us too long to realise that Bru is a good substitute - it has a slight chocolatey taste to it too!

But that wasn't her accusation. Her accusation was about how we're proud of being Tamil. Are we, really? It's easy to see why one would think so. Our absolute refusal to accept Hindi as our National language, for starters. For the record, I'm completely with my state government on this. I think it's ridiculous for the Central govt. to force a language upon me. I agree we need a unifying language et al, but why Hindi? It's bullshit to argue that the majority speaks it, cause majority of what? Majority of the people I know don't speak the language! And i live in a Metro!! Why not English? Please don't reply with "English is a foreign language", because Hindi is just as foreign to me as English is. Plus if I learn English, I'll actually be able to communicate with people all around the world. In fact, knowing Tamil, will probably help people much more in Singapore and Sri lanka - where Tamil is a national language. The only reason I see for me to learn Hindi is so that I can watch Shah Rukh Khan movies! But hey, I'd like to learn Chinese so I can watch Bruce Lee too!!

The august before last, we had gone to Nainital on a college trip. We had to buy a few curios and stuff and had to bargain with the peddlers there. We had to speak to them in broken Hindi and every single one of them made it a point to scold us for our lack of knowledge of Hindi. One of them even said "Hindi is an international language - everyone should know"(!!!). We meekly heard them out, took our shopping bags and came home. After all, their territory, their language. We were the outsiders. What can we say? Back home, on the other hand, my North Indian friends crib all the time about how the auto-karans here speak only Tamil. No meekness there. No acknowledgement of how it's okay for a person to speak their mother tongue in their part of the world!!

How can we be full of pride after all this? After not being able to speak our language in our own cities? After being imposed upon from all sides to learn a language we don't want to?

The central govt. has imposed a new rule that everyone working in a Central govt. academic institution must pass a basic test in Hindi. To read and write it. Not enought to know your physics/chemistry/math/mechanis. Nope, one's gotta know her/his hindi! No matter where the institute is. IISc and IIT-M come under this even though they're both in South Indian cities rebelling against imposition of Hindi. I, for one, will not pass such a test. I know exactly two letters in Hindi, and though once upon a time I wanted to learn the language, recent events like those stated above has put me off. It might be a fun thing to do - learn a new language, but I will not. Just because it is forced upon. "To take a stand", if I must use forceful statements. It probably sounds childish, but that's the way a whole state feels about it and the Central govt. doesn't seem to care.

I'm not saying my language is the best. I'm not claiming that Barathi was the best poet ever. I'm not saying that no one compares to Kris Srikant in cricket. I'm not saying that idlies are food of the Gods. I don't care how much you mutilate my name. I don't give a damn whether we're a pure Indian race or not. It really doesn't matter to me if Tamil is the oldest language. And I definitely don't wish to prove to you that we're the best.

All I'm saying is that, we're a nice bunch. Fun people doing their own thing. Let us be..

P.S: In retrospect, I realise I started talking about one thing and ended up somewhere else, but it all connects up in it's own way..

The lions vs the chargers (?)

Before I begin an "objective" description, lemme start off with a few sad smileys:
:-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(

There. That felt good. Not really, but it feels good to say it felt good.

Anyway, lemme start off by saying Chennai people are sweet. Right from the guy who gave me his 4/6 card at the beginning of the match when I asked him where he got it from, to the audience who clapped for Gilly when he got out, they're nice people. One cannot deny that. I dare you to. We may not have the hottest chicks, we may not have the most happening malls, our night clubs may have sad curfews and our theatre may show more regional movies and we may hero worship our actors, but we're nice people. Nice people who love their team! So I want no CSK bashing on my comments okay?

I've never been to Chepauk before and when I got there, what struck me was how surreal the whole stadium seemed. The green green pitch. The bright lights. The smallness of it all. It was quite different from what i imagined. And that's an understatement.

We bought this yellow 'Chennai super kings' flag, but sadly, the cops at the entrance took off the stick and gave us only the cloth. The sticks probably went back to the peddlers, but whatever, at least we got the cloth! And after CSK's batting was over, we converted the 4/6 board into a stick.

Anyway, we entered the stadium wearing yellow, (what? it's not a crime to like yellow, is it), just as the toss was over. Chennai had decided to bat and Karthik came to the front singing "theradi veediyil..". All the songs he sang that night were very local songs. Good pick. He ended it with "we will rock you"! That, you see, was before the match started. Before Afridi and before Gilly.

Shivamani came on next. He got more cheers than the entire CSK team! He played a few beats. There was this one he did, where he plays three beats on the drum and the audience clap in accordance and he does three more and so on.. He kept increasing the speed till at one point, we were clapping with him, because it was so fast. Good stuff! :-)

Anyway, the match started. We were progressively 11/1, 22/2, 33/3, 44/4.. Didn't continue on that line, thankfully.. We got 144/7, you will know if you watched the match. I'm not gonna bore you with the details. What I am going to tell you about is the crazy guy next to us who kept yelling out to the CSK guys. He kept calling them fools and was asking Dhoni to hit a six. Top of his voice. I believe his exact words were "fool CSK. fool Dhoni.. hit a six.. come on". Then, towards the end, he just started mumbling and started calling them bananas.. Yellow bananas, chilly bananas, fool bananas, cool bananas, split bananas. They even got a "mutaal valapazham"! It was hilarious!!

Finally, 1st inning ended and after 10 mins of the cheerleaders dancing around - the DC cheerleaders had nice hair and a pretty outfit and one dance sequence and all they did was blow kisses into the camera. The CSK cheerleaders has 2 dance steps, an 'ok' outfit and no enthusiasm - though i don't blame them for that!

The second inning soon started and meanwhile the crazy guy had disappeared. The 1st two overs, they didn't score many runs but soon the downpour started. Dipika and I suddenly decided to start screaming "we want wickets.. we want wickets".. We were the only ones screaming (none of the other idiots joined it) and the next ball, the bowler bowled it, Gibbs hit it and suddenly I say the bowler throw the ball in the air and everyone running towards him!! I was so amazed that I dropped the 'flag' I was holding.

Sadly, the next time we tried doing that, Gilly hit a six! He got out too, eventually, and the game became a drag. It got so boring. Until Afridi came and finished it off in one over! :-(

The thing about a live game is, you forget to watch the ball. There are no commentators reminding you to. You see a four and you turn around to crib and by the time you look back, the next ball has already been bowled. And you turn to the big screen for replays and by the time that's done, the next ball has already been bowled. And so on.. But it was fun, all the same. Worth my 600, definitely!

The game was well organised. There were PTC buses waiting outside the stadium. A whole long line of 'em. Covering almost all the locations in Chennai. There was a parking lot which had a different entrance and a different exit. The car was triple parked, but we didn't have to wait for too long to take it out and the stadium lights lit up the whole area and made it easy for us to find our way.

It was our third loss in a row, but as my gtalk status message says: "We shall rise again!"

Teenage dirtbag! - The player told me to!

So my sister pings me for the first time ever to tell me that I've been tagged.

The last time she tagged me, I happily ignored it.. but this time, it seems fun. She puts up a bunch of questions and I'm supposed to leave my played on. At each question I'm supposed to press "shuffle" and type out the song with comes on as the answer (with comments - witty or otherwise). Well, here goes..


If someone says “is this okay?” You say?

It's my life (Bon jovi)


Whoa..



What would best describe your personality?

Why can't a woman.. - My fair lady


No comments :D



What do you like in a guy/girl?

Rock Bottom - Eminem


Ah.. the secret's out! ;-)



How do you feel today?

Ob la di, od la Da - Beatles


Just finished Quantum exam.. ob la di, ob la da.. life goes on.. though "rock bottom" would've fit better, me thinks..



What is your life’s purpose?

Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton


How noble!



What is your motto?

Bed of roes - Bon jovi


Yup, that is exactly how I sign off my letters:
"Chitra Gautham
Bed of Roses"

Hail the roses!!



What do your friends think of you?

Lose yourself - eminem


:-( Really? :-(



What do you think of your parents?

Two princes - Spin doctors


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt?




What do you think about very often?

Bebot - Black Eyed peas


Wow. I think in spanish!



What is 2+2?

Trumpets - flipsyde


I'm sure we just haven't understood the question properly. The mice will know..



What do you think of your best friend?

Flying - Beatles


Knowing my best friends, I'm sure!!!!! ;-P



What do you think of the person you like?

In your eyes - Kylie Minogue


Ah well.. * turns red *



What is your life story?

Losing grip - Avril Lavigne


This player is psychic!



What do you want to be when you grow up?

(I won't) do this anymore - Nickleback


Do what? Grow up? I guess not..



What do you think when you see the person you like?

Hey mama - Black Eyed Peas


Hee hee.. "So come on mama, dance to the drama"



What do your parents think of you?

Walnut tree - Keane


That's.. er.. nice.. - I think.



What will you dance to at your wedding?

Crash and Burn - savage Garden


I wonder how?



What will they play at your funeral?

Poprocks and Coke - Greenday


Right. That's it. I'm leaving everything to charity! Hmph!




What is your hobby/interest?

Happy Birthday - Flipsyde


Maybe that's a sign.. Maybe someone up there is trying to tell me to give up physics and take up event management. Maybe..



What is your biggest secret?

Basketcase - Green day


"I think I'm cracking up.."




What do you think of your friends?

Lust like a woman - Bob Dylan


I really do think that. Esp about the guys! :-)



What should you post this as?

Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus


Ummm.. okay.. I will.



This was actually loads of fun!! You guys should try it too. I tag everyone who's commented on my blog!

Juno

I have no idea why I decided to watch the movie when I was bored and depressed after having screwed up my viva, but I'm glad I did! It really did cheer me up.

The story is about a 16 year old girl, Juno(named after the Greek goddess), who gets pregnant but decides not to get it aborted and gives it up for adoption instead. Period.

The best part of the movie is how light a serious subject is treated. Though, I think, a few parts are a little unrealistic. For example, the parent's reaction when she tells them. I can't imagine any parent taking it so well!

The movie, of course, has a happy ending. Juno seems to have no trouble at all coming back to her normal life (!!!!!) and playing in a band. Her acting, I must say, was terrific. Clueless, very teenagey and yet mature.

But my favorite part of the movie - apart from the lingo (it's the kinda stuff you can listen to for days) - is the background score. Good stuff. If anyone knows where I can get the soundtracks, please let me know. It's not avaiable on the LAN.

Definately a movie I would recommend.

Shades of Grey

My house is being painted in my absence, and my tasteless father came up with the brilliant idea of painting it grey and white.

Not that it looks bad, but isn't every other building in the city painted grey? My dad begs to disagree and says that every other building in the city is painted yellow - the color I wanted. Somehow that didn't make sense, so the next time I travelled the 12+2 kms from home to college, I started counting. And guess what? There were more yellow buildings than grey! Shades of yellow.. Bright, sunny - the colour that cheers you up just looking at it.. Deep, orange - makes me hungry for some reason.. Lemon yellow - intellectual (?) (Don't ask me why - you just relate different emotions to each colour and that's how I feel), and some people had painted heir house a shade of yellow which the mals, I'm sure, will brand as "pandi colours!"

Strange. But I don't blame them. Yellow has always been a colour which cheers me up. Green makes me feel at home, true.. But disaster resulted the last time we tried painting the house that (ever read Anne of Avonlea? The exact same thing happened!) So, I wanted yellow. But on account of how lazy I was to pick out the shades myself, my dad got his way, causing me to swear that I'll have it repainted the moment I get my first stipend! I talk too fast, sometimes.. Sigh..

But I'm deviating terribly from what I meant to say. The title, as you can imagine was a metaphorical one.

A person, one knows, is never black or white. But somehow we tend to classify them as if they are. Good people. Bad people. It's hard for us to accept that the good people might do bad things and vice versa. It goes against the ordering in our minds. And sometimes confuses us. Good people always do good things. So, if a good person does a bad thing, the bad thing becomes good, no? Of course. It's easier to say that, than to accept the fact that there is no 'hero' and 'villain'. Just people. Regular people, who lie, cheat, help the old lady cross the road, give some money to the poor, back stab their friend, buy their daughter a doll, copy in the exam, walk 3 miles on a hot day to help a friend out, do marijuana, turn down the a.c to conserve electricity, all in one day and one breadth.

Though we see this around us all the time, it's hard for us to accept that it could be so. Every movie has taught us it is not. There is a good guy who does the good things and a bad guy who does bad things. God forbid the bad guy from giving alms to the poor. If he does, he's only showing the world that he's got a lot of power!

And mentally, we like to classify things. We like to say 'this is right and this, wrong' and stick to it. It takes too much effort to think in every situation and a decision accordingly.

And it's not just with people that we are so. Reasons, excuses.. There is no one explanation for not turning up at a party, for liking a certain hobby, for disliking a certain person, for not wanting to go somewhere, for breaking up with someone, for wanting to go a place, for coming late, for studying what you're studying right now. Yet, that is what we look for. A clear reason, an answer: "I had an exam", "It stimulates me intellectually", "I'm running a fever", "she doesn't love you anymore", "I like the food there", "Traffic!", "I read this book by so-and-so which got me hooked to this".. Excuse and reasons - standard ones which we use. Black and white. Simple. Will convince anyone. And save us a lot of trouble.

I'm not gonna ask you to stop giving such reasons and excuses. I'm gonna tell you not to. No one will understand the truth - no one understands shades of grey. They're hazy and depressing. They make no sense, and take too much time to decipher. And even when we do, they're just lines of black and white superimposed. Never a pure milky grey - creamy like the paint being applied to the window sills even as I type this.

It can't be done. Our mind likes to organize our thoughts. Fight against it, if you will, but remember, not many others will.

Just another day..

She enters the room, eyes glinting with anger and.. and something else - could you call it hatred?

Her friend asks her to "relax".

"How can I?", she yells back, even as she knew she soon would. She knew that the next day, not only would she relax, but she would even be comfortable with the thought; a thought which made her quiver with rage; a thought which made her want to choke him with her bare hands. She knew that within a mere 24 hours, she would've gotten used to it.. Grudgingly, she would've accepted it as a part of the unfairness of life.

"Which him?", her friend asks her.

Which him, indeed!

Suddenly she realises (strange, how the thought hadn't occurred to her before) that all her current trouble could be attributed to guys!
The one who denied her her constitutional right to freedom of speech; the one who rejected her proposal because he didn't want to lose power; the one who threatened to destroy her world because she reported the truth like it was; the one who reduced her friend to tears everyday - they were all men!

"Is this what they call sexual discrimination?", she wonders aloud.

Oh, there were guys being affected by it as well.. but somehow she couldn't help feeling that she felt the impact more! maybe because she couldn't help believing the best of everyone - she couldn't help trusting..

"Don't worry about it", her friend tells her, "another year or so, and you needn't have anything to do with them ever again!"

She nods her head, though deep down she doesn't agree. She doesn't like what happened to her. She doesn't like the idea of being suppressed by people just because they feel threatened. She doesn't like being told what to do, what to write, what to say.. She wants to fight it, but doesn't know how! She thinks it's unfair, but sees no solution. She feels helpless.

She knows, deep down, that these people need to be taught to be fair. Yet, she nods her head. She knows she won't do the "teaching".

"I don't have the time", she tells herself.
After all, there are assignments to be submitted, tests to be written, records to be drawn, projects to be done..

She sighs..

She knows by next week all this will be forgotten and they - the people who inflicted all this pain - will be forgiven. Forgiven without heir their knowledge for something they did not know they did! Free to continue doing what they've been doing all along - making people's lives miserable, if only for a day!

Creationalism

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaithMatters/Story?id=4467337&page=1

Hee hee..

These guys will do anything to remain in the cozy shell. Reminds me of the matrix.

Mental note: Post on cozy shell and matrix.

P.S: I hope that this doesn't, in any way, hurt the sentiments of the creationalists(right!). It's just that as a scientist, i find it slightly on the amusing side..

Gimme red!

Ask any girl - any Indian girl, I mean.. She'll tell you about the magic that is mehendi (a.k.a maridani).

You usually get it done before a big event - a wedding, birthday, diwali, maybe.. even a cousin's engagement is excuse enough. Or during the holidays when you're jobless and have nothing better to do..

If you are lucky, you get to watch as the leaves are grounded and made into a nice paste (don't add too much water - it'll run; not too less, either - it won't flow; add a little lemon - it'll make your hand redder) and made into cute cones with the bottoms cut.

You watch as your mom/sister/neighbour/friend races patterns on your palm. The paste feels cool against your skin. You tell then to change the pattern here(you don't like mangoes), you ask them to draw some leaves just here.. But in the end it doesn't matter, because the design is so intricate that you find it hard to make out the original pattern..

You strech your hand out for an hour - two hours. You can't hold anything - can't read a book - can't use the mouse - cant study(!!!!:-)) - can't eat.. So you sit and watch tv. Or sleep - unless of course, your mom is very particular about mehendi stains on the covers.

Once every half an hour, you squeeze lemon over your palm to stop it from drying too fast, but it dries anyway and little pieces of the mehendi fall off and you try to peek at it from the sides to see how red it has become. You imagine it becoming really red and you picture you showing it off to all your friends who will "ooh" and "aah" over it. You wonder if it'll go with the dress you're gonna wear the next day (No jeans and tee for a week! Stick to the indian wear!)

Finally, it's time to take it off. You, of course, aren't supposed to use water. You scrub it off, dirtying the floor, but who cares! Your hand now has pretty red patterns on it!

Of course, you find it hard to eat for the rest of the week considering the smell takes off the flavour of anything your bring near the nose, but that's a small price to pay!

Lost in translation

I was really looking forward to watching this movie. Epecially since about 10 people kept urging me to. Which is why I reserved it for a thursday before a 3 day weekend. But at the end of the movie, my only reaction was "huh?"!

The movie didn't (and continues not to) make any sense. I didn't get the point the director was trying to make. If he was trying to make a point, that is.. I don't think it was "another episode in so and so's life" kind of a movie, either. It wasn't a depiction of life in Tokyo, either. Nor was it about forbidden love affair. It wasn't even a honest combination of the above!

The story's about a famous american actor, Bob Marley who goes to Tokyo to advertise a drink. He's also facing mid-life crises and part of the reason he comes here is because he wants to get away from home. He finds himself utterly bored in this new city where noone speaks his language. He shoots for the commercial in the mornings and hangs out in a bar all evening. That's where he meets Charlotte, a young american girl who's married (for 2 years) and is in Tokyo with her husband who is here on some project. She is really depressed. I never did understand the reason. Her husband leaves to another town for a few days and she gets friendly with Bob. The rest of the story is about how they manage to enjoy themselves in a city they both have come to hate.

But it didn't make any sense. Everyone hates a new city when they go there for the first time. Then you make friends and start loving it. Was this the point? Well, then it wasn't potrayed well. Especially since towards the end he doesn't love the city, but her. Yet he leaves the place and goes away. Not in a heroic way, either..

Another thing which sruck me about the movie was the way Charlotte's husband loves her. He's all over her and is stuck on her completely even though they've been married two years. Whcih guy does that, tell me?

Why am i obsessing over this movie? Because, i was told, by many, that it's a really great movie.. Yet, I can't see where the greatness lies.

Maybe I just don't understand movies.

Sigh..

On Spica the star

I did a wiki on Spica.. and this is what they had to say:

Spica (pronounced /ˈspaɪkə/) (also known as α Vir / α Virginis / Alpha Virginis) is the brightest star in the constellation Virgo, and the 15th brightest star in the nighttime sky. It is 260 light years distant from Earth. A blue giant, it is a variable of the Beta Cephei type.

So first of all, let me start off by apologising to those to whom i had given the wrong pronunciation, though if you ask me, I liked the old pronunciation much better.

Secondly, for the sake of those who still do not know, what I'm talking about, let me take you through the usual routine.

See, my name is Chitra. It means "picture" in Sanskrit. It is also a name of a star which is usually seen during April. The rest of the world calls the star "Spica". Hence, the title of the blog.

But there is more to it, as i recently discovered. Spica, wiki tells me, is a binary star. Which means, what we perceive as one star is in fact two stars.

Hmmm.. I wonder if my parents were psychic when they christened me!

Ouch.. that hurts!

You know when you lose a friend?

It is not when they move to another country.. It is not when they die.. It is not when you've lost their number.. It is not when you haven't spoken to them in many years.. It is not when parents or circumstances forbid you from speaking to them.. It is not even when you betray them or they betray you!

It is when you call them up and talk to them for a while and into your head pops a host of things which you would've confided in them in the ages past, but you dismiss them now with a wave of hand as unsuitable conversation and talk about the weather instead!

:-)

You replace live journal with blogspot and you get what I mean..

The ultimate plunge!

Last night we had a panel discussion on the increasing number of suicides in IIT. Frankly, i am not so suprised that there are so many. Not to soun cruel, but what is suprising is that there are not many more!

Consider a typical IIT student. All his/her life, (s)he has been at the top of the class. Probably first in school, with a NCERT schol. and an olympiad medal thrown in for good measure. Then the kid manages to crack the JEE/JAM/GATE. (S)he becomes an instant celebrity. They're paraded around town by their parents who are feeling indulgent and would sanction any wish (s)he has. (S)he is utterly pamered until it's time for him or her to leave for the insti.

Once here, the ragging - although mild now - starts. They find that all of a sudden, they aren't top of the class anymore and they are (horror of horrors) an average student!!They're still considered the best by their parents who believe they're doing great, but only they know the real truth. A feeling of guilt sweeps in. Not being at home anymore, they have no one to talk to.. Most of their friends are locked up in their own room watch pirated movies downloaded from the LAN. Of course, there's the Guidance and Counselling Unit (pop. known as GCU), but that's not a big help. How many people are willing to go talk to an utter stranger? Thus they becomes more and more depressed, friendless. Meanwhile, their parents and others at home continue to think that they're the best. They know better than that. Rather, they think they know better than that. The guilt intensifies and finally.. well, they decide to "end it all"!

The professors aren't much help, honestly. Some are brilliant and approachable but you also have a few who'll call a spade a spade, and don't mind telling you to your face that they think you're useless! Obviously you're not, but acc. to them, not being able to solve a gamma function is useless!

And the whole concept of relative grading does nothing to aleviate the situation!! But more on that later..

Last night during the panel discussion a person in the audiance asked the guy from suicide prevention society, a question on inferiority complex. That guy replyed saying "it's strange to hear the words 'inferiority complex' inside IIT, but we're all human beings, aren't we?". But if you ask me, there's more IC floating around in this 420 acres than anywhere else in the city.. Oh, don't get me wrong. All IITians think they're the best, la creme de la creme and all that jazz.. But only in comparision with the rest of the world. Inside IIT, there's always someone better than you at something. Most of the time, most people are better than you at most things. And since you think you're better than the rest of the world, you care more than the rest of the world does. The rest of the world don't have any false notions about their ability. They are honest to themselves about how good/bad they are. They don't have any false pride. But since the IITian does, (s)he cares much more about the fact that (s)he's not good at something. And as one can't be good at everything, everyone here has an inferiority complex w.r.t something and a very intense one at that!