Sunday, May 31, 2009

The 'M' word

Since I am nearly [insert age + 1], the extended family has started mentioning the M word to ze parents. My parents, who were initially taken aback (my dad especially - he was quite at loss as to what to do), have learnt how to deal with the.. er.. proposals, thankfully and bug me no more with funny anecdotes which they think are cute but I think are just plain irritating..

Like the one where my uncle, who was woken up from his sleep, forgot my existance and claimed there was no such girl.. Okay, that one was actually funny!

And the other one, where a certain grandaunt said something to the effect of "I'll find you a really good guy who will let you study further.. don't worry". Hang on there.. let me??? LET me? Whoa! Boy, do these people not know me at all!!

Oh, and not to forget the "if you study so much, how are we gonna find a guy who's stuided as much"!! Sheesh!

You know, that's what really strikes me. How little these people (not my parents and their siblings - they thankfully suffer under no such illusion) know me, yet suffer under the impression that they do. They think I'm a CSIG (I am, btw.. at least according to the Mutt) who will listen to her parents, get married at [insert age], to a guy in the same caste who they pick out for me - probably some 2nd or 3rd cousin, and I will actually listen to what the guy will tell me to do, suffer under the whole "kal aanalum purushan" thing, and have two kids as the age of 25, etc...

And the worst part is, I do not know what I can say to make them understand that the world has evovled very much since they were kids and that is not how people do stuff anymore. I mean, I can be a lesbian and they wouldn't even understand what that means. They'll probably think it's 'a phase'.

It's funny actually. And quite sad too. Funny because, lets face it, people stuck in the past are funny. Sad - because people stuck in the past means there will be no progress..

13 comments:

Vasu said...

I don't get it either. But I love the way my parents get so awkward when 'you should get her married to someone who will let her study further.." conversation happens.
Lol.

Meghana Naidu said...

The eeeeeeeriest thing just happened. im sitting here, reading your post, my 'randomly related uncle' who's visiting us asks me: "So what after the graduation blah blah" and my mom pipes up from behind: "Get married"

me and my Dad both shout "No ways!" in unision.

O_O

VERY eerie.

ess said...

Since I am nearly [insert age + 1], the extended Look at you, acting all 18-till-i-die :P

I wouldn't worry about the relatives. Any girl we know who wants to achieve something, especially in an academics-related field has to go through this. It's a rite of passage of sorts. I know it's sexist, in that this happens much later to boys if at all. But that's the way people are. It can't be helped.

Whether you're a CSIG or not hardly matters. The "helpful" relatives may not know you from Marie Curie, and they'll still try to "find" mapillais for you.

I mean, I can be a lesbian and they wouldn't even understand what that means. They'll probably think it's 'a phase'.
LOL!

P.S. Isn't it Kal aanalum Kanavan, Pul aanalum Purushan?

Spica said...

Vasu: Dude. The first time it's funny. The nth time, it's plain irritating!

Meghana: Lol.. Maybe the Gods are trying to tell you something here..

ess: Merely stating "Any girl we know who wants to achieve something, especially in an academics-related field has to go through this. It's a rite of passage of sorts" hardly justifies it! Face it bro, girls in our family have always had the raw end of the deal and it's about time things changed around here.
Enter Spica.

P.S: Yeah.. I thought the rest of it was understood..

TheMobilePhotog said...

I can be a lesbian and they wouldn't even understand what that means. They'll probably think it's 'a phase'. - heheh
the problem is parents thin that they are helping their kids in this way.. in a way they tend to selfish at least in this issue.

ess said...

I'm not justifying anything. I'm just saying that the generation gap is just too vast for us to expect things to change in out 20's.

You can't blame them for growing up they way they did. Having said that, it's only fair that everybody who advises you moves with the times and thinks twice before shooting their mouths off.

More power to Spica, I say!

Mads said...

insert age plus 1---ROFL, good one..
and to ur post..dunno what to say...i laughed at the starting..but read the last few lines and i feel like a fool laughing... who am i kidding...ur right. progress is seriously hampered...
good luck with ur life and...just don't get too worked up on all this :( it happens..u know how relatives are... :-s

solvent said...

you are lucky to have such parents...some people dont even have them..

Spica said...

Subash: Actually, my parents will be cool with the issue - or at least "will accept it in time..", it's the extended family I am talking about. They aren't exactly being selfish - more like, they're being helpful without realising that that is not being helpful anymore..

Ess: Trust me, I don't expect anything to change. If anything I'm slightly mad at all the girls who comply with and feed it. I'm being selfish here, mind you.. It makes things less easy for me!

Mads: I'm glad you found it funny. As I told my mom who told me not to be "too sensitive", it was actually posted for a few laughs.

Solvent: That, I know, is true. Don't worry - all will be well!

Tazeen said...

Ah ... the dreaded M word

TheMobilePhotog said...

"they're being helpful without realising that that is not being helpful anymore.." - good thought.. yeah i think this is the case..

Nikita said...

don't worry girl... the extended family will stop dropping not-so-subtle hints when they realize that your parents are with you in it ;)
You are lucky to have practical parents who know what's good for you, else the pressure would have been unbearable.

Spica said...

Tazeen: :-)

Subash: Yeah, but that doesn't make it any easier, mind you.

Nikita: Yeah., I know. I know what some of my friends go through!